Networks

I've been starring at a blank page for a couple of weeks now, I've written 3 or 4 posts and instead of clicking publish, I click delete. I keep going over the events and the stories since my last update and have no idea where to begin or where I go from there.
I have had these first couple of sentences written for about three hours, write some more and delete it. I don't know if this writer's block is a side effect of exhaustion, or a feeling of helplessness that rests inside me, or a fact that writing something seems to make it more real.
As I've been attempting to write though, I've been talking to friends and family on various social media outlets. This got me thinking about networks and the benefit they can have.
When talking about networks, you typically jump to the ever popular social networking, or next in line, business networking, but what often gets forgotten about is the network of family.
As close as I am with my family, I've never really been a home body, and in this time away, I haven't really missed home. That is until the passed couple of weeks.
November 4th, my life changed when my Mum, my best friend, told me she had cancer. At that moment, life in England came to a stand still, but my Mum's support system grew. It was incredible to watch and be a part of a team that developed over night to support one cause. It's amazing how people rise to an occasion. This support system infused in my Mother a positive attitude and enabled her to go into the surgery strong and come out of the hospital in record time.
As hard as it was for me to be away from this, or have my Mum tell me she's been cooking all week and I wasn't there to help, seeing the support from everyone else, left me knowing that she was in good hands. This moment united my family as one army, and it became a family battle against the cancer.
Being so far away, definitely made me miss home, and miss my friends. For the first time I felt alone here. I had coworkers to talk to, but I didn't have that friend to take you out, or come over with some ice cream.
This had me thinking about my students as well. In the past couple of weeks I have developed bonds with some of my students that I am now their go to person, someone they confide in. Stories I am hearing from students are things I have never ever expected to hear as a teacher, or be trying to handle these specific situations. But it makes me wonder, my Mum has a support team of about 30 people behind her, these students have me. In order for them to be strong, I must remain strong, but I am currently feeling defeated, and completely helpless. I don't know where to go next.
The past couple of weeks for me have been sleepless, had their ups and downs, a little more drama than necessary, and a brain running like a hamster wheel, but in the end everything has worked out.
During my struggles at the beginning of the school year, a good friend sent me an image with a quote on it that read "Like photography, life develops from the negatives."
The storm is over, my Mum is an absolute trooper and on the mend, and my hard work at school has been rewarded. It's time to start looking at the pictures.
I had my second observation this week, and I could not be happier with how it went. After my first one I was prepared to walk out of this school and never look back. I've been working hard, and a set a goal of a mark I wanted and got that goal. For a keener like me, a grade of satisfactory may not seem very good, but, coming from an inadequate, and the conditions in this school, I could not be happier. Ultimately, I want a "good" grade, but it's one level at a time and I have 4 more observations to go for this year.
From this work though, I was praised with a note from agency, passing along a message from my Headmaster who is extremely impressed with my work!
There always is a bright light at the end of every dark tunnel, good things do come. My family is closer than ever, my Mum is doing incredible, and I am home in 4 weeks!
Next step, getting over this road bump in my student's case and figuring out the solution.

Scenery and Stories

There's a difference between travelling and being a tourist and I never really noticed until this past week. My previous journeys, I have travelled in groups and been with like minded people. I have been enveloped in the culture and lifestyle of the places I have gone. But what I was forgetting about those experiences is that my tours were private. I travelled with the group I was with.

I spent the first couple of days of my half term in Edinburgh being a tourist. I went on tours of specific attractions - Loch Lomond and Loch Ness. On these tours I ran into all kinds of people, all kinds of annoying people. Tourists are the most selfish, absorbed in their own world kind of people. 

A couple weeks ago I was having a conversation at work about young people and how they think they're so worldly and cultured. The conversation was started by a coworker saying that I am not like this, but I am someone that rightfully could be. I learned first hand exactly what was meant by this when a fellow tour mate kept talking about the places she has been and the places she wants to go. What she could not tell  you though was what she learned, what she had experienced, what she gained from travelling to those places. 

This particular person made me reflect on how I am on my journeys, am I a tourist or a traveller? 

I think the key difference between the two is the immersement into culture. As a tourist you are there to see the popular sites, take some photographs and on to the next site of popularity. As a traveller you are there to learn and to experience. You take in the culture, try the foods, hear the stories. From this, I can happily say, I consider myself to be a traveller.

When I came back from South Africa, I wrote a reflection piece about story telling. All of my students had stories, good stories, tragic stories, didn't matter what kind, they had stories. I wrote of the importance, particularly as a teacher to hear those stories. But, when I was writing that piece, I wasn't thinking of myself as a person, I was thinking just as a teacher, and I never stopped to think if I had my own stories.

My next few days in Scotland were spent meeting family first the first time. This was a wonderful experience and meant more to me than words can probably express. I got to hear all of the stories of my past. And not just wee ones about who family are, but stories full of history, bringing me back to my roots. Not only did I get to hear these stories, I got to meet the people, see photographs and see the sites. There was so much family history I had no idea about, so many things my roots were involved in developing and creating, things that are still around today. My new favourite candy is something called a Hawick Ball. Hawick is the town my family grew up in, where they still reside and where I visited for a couple of days. A lady by the name of Aggie Lamb created the recipe for these candies, and she is a Great Great Great Granny of mine. 

I had a teacher last year, after her grandmother had passed away, explain to us the wonderful experience she had hearing and recording her grandmother's stories. At that time I didn't fully grasp what she was talking about. Not until I heard the stories of various extensions of family. 

I started my half term meeting family for the first time, knowing very little, and ending it a couple days later feeling like I have known them for years, and can definitely call them family.

By spending time with my family, I was able to experience the traditional culture and food. I tried Haggis and Black Pudding, both of which are absolutely delicious, also drank a lot of Irn Bru. On top of the adventurous foods, I learned a whole new language, from each part of Scotland I visited. 

Overall, I had two absolute favourite parts. The first was stopping at Scott's View. Scott's view was a spot favourited by a famous writer, his thinking spot. As I stood there taking in the scenery, the incredible colours of the Autumn trees, snapping photos, my Uncle began to play the bagpipes. For the first time, I didn't want to take pictures of what I was seeing. Instead, all I could do was sit there and take in the moment, reflect on where I have been and where I am going. Listen to the sounds coming my from Uncle's bagpipes, as well as the sounds of nature. At this moment I was at peace. There was nothing but happiness brought to me, nothing but confirmation that you are in the right place and nothing but solitude. I am a lover of scenery, but of scenery with water in it. Although there lays a small river through Scott's view, this was a view of trees and mountains. A view I became completely enthralled with during my time in Scotland. 

This feeling of contentness also came about while driving through rolling hills and farmland of the borders. These roads go right through farmers field, are windy and full of sheep, however, they are absolutely stunning. For 99% of the time, it was just us and the sheep on the road, but what ever direction you looked in there was something to see, something to smile about. Mountains, water, sunshine, incredible views. At one point my Uncle said "Just wait until we get around this corner", we turned the corner and there was one of the most beautiful sites I have ever seen. I will never forget what I saw, or the breathtaking feeling it gave me.

From these two experiences, I have learned how to appreciate small things, and it really made me appreciate the view of my cottage, or downtown Oakville with the lake. You forget what you have in your backyard when it's always there, but when you see someone else's and as stunning as it may be, you remember what you get to look at everyday as well. 

This journey was concluded with an adventure on the train home, which for the first time in my life, I did not plan step by step by step, but went with the flow. I loved it. But, as I continued on this journey, and arrived in Stevenage, I grabbed a taxi home, but I still felt like I was travelling, I was just coming to my next stop. Even as I unlocked my front door, came up the stairs and unlocked my bedroom door, I still had a feeling of being on tour, it wasn't until I got into bed at night, I got the feeling of this place being my home.

The Lines of Your Hand

This morning I found myself smiling for no reason at all. As headed on my way to town, running shoes on, music playing, sun not shining, but it wasn't raining - I was in my own little world. I was so much in my own world it took me ten minutes to realize I was going the wrong direction, but once I realized I still didn't care. I was in no rush, I was just walking to town. It was that moment though, realizing I was I was lost, when it hit me. Even though school is hard work, I'm not with my best friends and missing them loads, I am happy. I am enjoying life. I have known for a while that I happy here, I absolutely love being here, but I had never really processed that or thought much about it.
Yesterday I had my palm read and I think that may have something to do with it. As I waited in line to get my palm read I began to get more and more nervous, thinking about where I am now in life, choices I have made, big or small, relationships, my health, everything came rushing back as well as a fear of the future. What if he tells me something I don't want to know? As I sat down in the chair and he said "Give me your right hand" all of that went away. I was committed and there's no going back. He explained all of the lines on my hands through life length and health, love (relationships, marriage and future husband), life goals, personality, everything. A big sigh of relief came from my life line. He said it is very deep, very solid and very long. This means I will have a long healthy life. There are no breaks and no crosses through it. As the time for my next set of tests approaches, my overactive mind does it thing and stirs up a lot of imagination. To hear him say you won't have any health problems seemed much more assuring than my doctors words this summer.
It was rather freaky, but also confirming how accurate he was in terms of lifestyle aspects. He was amazed by how many travel lines I have on my hand. I have 10 and as he repeated numerous times, the average person has 3. So when they say travelling is in my blood, or it is a part of me, it really is and it is something I will continue to do - for a long as my life line runs.
Shockingly enough, and the only point I had doubts was when he said I have lots of luck in terms of love. I asked him if that was "starting now?" But my husband is supposed to be some sort of triple threat. So we'll see. Maybe this chase for Prince Harry will pan out?
I continued my day with a friend from home, just wandering the streets of London. On my way home, and because of specific rail closures, had to make the most convoluted route back to Kings Cross I made friends with people on the underground and really got that feeling of "I am a local, this is where I live and this is my home."
I don't know if having my palm read and having some stranger confirm things I already knew about myself makes things more official, but I feel like a different person today.
I also find myself constantly looking back at the lines and thinking about what this man said to me. Scientifically speaking, the lines on your hand represent your identify, a unique code, but now, more than ever, they truly do represent my life, my personality, my journey.

Right Place

Week one on the "new" job almost complete and what a week it was. Important week for the school in terms of it's development and future, but an exciting, busy, educational week it was for me.

On Wednesday I got to spend the day with a lovely lady who observed a couple of lessons, helped me plan a couple more and then observed again. She was full of positive feedback and great suggestions to make things go even better. Although students are challenging in England (probably a HUGE generalization), the teacher support is phenomenal here. I have a Science specific mentor, I have a professional mentor, I have an overall teaching development mentor, I have a rant buddy in the school, and I also get to be involved in the teacher training program here which means I attend a lot more meetings, but full of excellent professional development. It is a lot of information coming from so many directions, but everyone is more than helpful and it's the support system built that really makes things smooth sailing.

Besides all of that, something great happened this week. With my added role of cover teacher I now get to explore other areas of the school other than just the dungeon of the Science corridor. As I was heading up to one my classes, I noticed something painted on the wall.

"A journey of a thousand miles begins with a single step" - Lao Tzu

It was that moment that I knew I was in the right place. There is a reason that I was selected to be at this school and it is something much larger than it's a sports school and I like sports. I was brought here to teach and to learn. So far, I have done both and it's only getting better. My bad days at school are now limited. I have had nothing but gratifying comments from my past students in my Maths classes. It may not have seem like they appreciated me or what I had to offer very much, but 5 weeks later, and I'm no longer their teacher, it shows. Everything has come together this week. Everything I was hoping for in the first couple of weeks is now happening. 

I find my confidence coming back daily. I had it, was hit by an unexpected force and now I'm getting back up. The cover lesson provide an exciting experience for a bit of trial and error. I have been given targets of what to work on, being in a cover lesson is a great place to try something new. 

There's been times where some of the advice or feedback I have been given were comments about my personality. However, I really don't think my personality has had a chance to come through. I am fully adjusted, I know what to expect of the students, I know how to react to the students, I have friends at school even to the point of already playing jokes on people. I just feel my personality coming out now. I feel like I am finally experiencing this adventure. I am ready for whatever happens next. 

I have been able to joke around with students in classes, in the corridors, on duty, I have finally been able to laugh and genuinely smile in class. I have had a good time in all of my classes this week and I am excited for next week!

Although unusual coming from an extreme optimist, I do know too, that although this week was great, that drive up the bumpy road is not over yet. There are still more hills to climb over, twists, turns and unstable ground to go over, but in the end, it's all worth it. I can't wait!

As for the personal life, I have signed up for an online photography course, so you all can expect lots more pictures soon! A whole group of mixed groups are going out tomorrow, all people my age too, so that will be nice, I am on the hunt for a football team and planning a trip to Scotland for half term which is in two weeks!

Then and Now

The past few days have come and gone in the blink of an eye. Since Thursday things have been completely non stop, extremely busy, but a great time.
Thursday started off a regular teaching day, but we were finished school at lunch time in order to prepare for open evening. Secondary schools here work much like Universities in that the students choose where they want to go versus being assigned to a school based on residency (because there are so many schools). In the Science department we ran a series of experiments that the prospective year 6s could participate in. I was lighting kids' hands on fire all night. Although that was exciting in itself, I was more enjoyable to see another side of my coworkers. We played music and just made the lonnnnggg night as much fun as we could. I say long because school ended at 1:20, we weren't allowed to leave school in the time between because of set up, and open evening ran from 5:30-9.
We also got a tour of the new building. It is incredible, I love it. So modern, and a real consideration into new pedagogical technologies was really taken into consideration of the design. I am exciting for the opportunities it can bring and really hope that the students rise to the challenge.

Friday I was involved in a science conference for new teachers. It was interesting, however I felt extremely out of place. Science teachers here call themselves scientists and are pretty hard core about their science. Science is their life. I like science, I enjoyed it in high school, but that's also when I stopped it. I found it difficult to talk to others because all they talked about chemical bonding, and other "sciencey" things. Although, I'm sure if it was the reverse and it was a physical education conference and a science teacher were there they'd probably say the same about us. It kind of made me feel bad for my students in a way as well, because all of these other teachers were so passionate about science and I have zero passion for science. Maybe it will develop? Or the biology unit will be way more exciting than the physics and chemistry!

Friday evening is when the real adventure began though. After the conference I officially started my real travelling. I booked myself a night in a hotel in central London. Which after walking around in circles, getting mixed directions from people and taxi driver telling me he wouldn't drive me because it was across the street, 1.5 hour later I was finally at the hotel. The hotel was not across the street, but a right turn, a left turn, 15 minutes down the street, another right turn and you're there. And it was pouring rain! It was at that point that I decided I would be horrible on the Amazing Race. It was all made worth it though by a nice big comfy bed without springs poking through and a long, hot, powerful shower and a room service dinner. It was tough to leave the next day (especially at 7:20am).

My hotel was the first pick up point, so my day started with a nice tour of London. It was nice at this time, pretty quiet, got to see a whole new side than what I'm used to. The bus slowly became more and more full, until it was completely jam packed. Out of random seating, I ended up finding myself in the middle of three grandmas travelling the world because they're retired TEACHERS. My escape from teaching and I still end up talking about school.

The first stop of the day was Windsor Castle. When I visited England in high school, I had done a tour of Windsor Castle. It was nice to see it again. I'm not a huge history person, and the way this tour was set up was perfect for me. The bus drives you to your locations, tells you when you need to be back on the bus and lets you go free. Our tour price included admission into the state rooms, so although I've seen them, it was nice to go through again. I walked through, at my own pace (much quicker than most), no tour guide, no one talking to me, just going through looking at what I want to. After the rooms, I still had plenty of time and wandered about taking pictures, and going through the little shops, taking in the atmosphere. One of the things I love about travelling is the culture and atmosphere of new places, but soaking that in often gets missed. You get so caught up in seeing the sites that you just look at things, but not really experience them. Although travelling on your own sometimes gets lonely, it is nice to be able to sit there and just take in the moment and really "see" the sites.

Our second stop of the day was the Roman Baths. Our time in Bath was short, enough time to wander the museum and that was about it. The museum was incredible though. We went right into a Roman Bath, saw the hot springs, the pools, etc. They provided the audio phones, which I started listening too, but gave up real quick. I found it much more interesting to walk around and imagine how it was used, what it was like, what it looked like just full of people bathing, what kind of community it created before all of the illness and then after the illnesses. It certain areas, the museum had these projections on the walls of videos that showed you the image. They videos of the people communicating, interacting, in and out of the pools and it really gave you the sense of what really happened. The museum was a lively piece of history. The town of Bath itself looked beautiful, full of cute shops and stories. I only got into two of those shops, an ice cream shop and a jewelry store where I bought my first piece of travel jewelry. Bath is definitely somewhere I will have to go back and visit.

The final stop of the day was Stonehenge. In high school I skipped out on going to Stonehenge, since then I have always wondered what it looked like. After seeing it, I am glad I didn't go 6 years ago. I actually really enjoyed seeing it, but that was the photographer in me coming out. As a tourist 6 years ago I would not have been interested at all and would have then missed out on the opportunities I had yesterday.

Revisiting some of the sites I did 6 years ago has been a great opportunity to look back on how far I have come, what I have done, what I still have yet to do, how much I have changed and how much I have learned. It's been pretty obvious each year through University how much I have changed, I am no longer that shy, quiet girl, scared of everything. Through this travelling and thinking back on the last time I visited these places, and how I see them now really provides some concrete evidence and enlightens me to those facts.

This week I start the new adventure of science only, and embark on a new teaching journey. I am nervous, excited, scared, but ready for the challenge! I really am going to miss some of my students that I will no longer be teaching and there others that I could not jump any higher of joy that I will not be seeing. All of my doubts of my impact were washed away by my year 7s on Thursday when after telling them I won't be their teacher anymore I was attacked in group hug of little kids. It has also confirmed for me the age group I like teaching. At home I am trained in middle school. Here I have been teaching the lower levels of high school. I belong in the middle school world and have started the hunt for a new location and a middle school for next years adventure.

You can find my pictures from Saturday here.

Time for a Change...

So remember when I was comparing working at this school to that old wooden roller coaster, well I've been on a nice steady ride, until yesterday. I got thrown for a loop. A nice big, upside down, backwards, corkscrew kind of loop.
Just as I was getting comfortable in my classroom, getting to know my students a little better, I get told I am getting a completely new schedule. I am being shifted out of the math(s) department and completely into the science department, instead of a being a little bit in each.
The head of science is pregnant and begins her maternity leave next Friday. The original plan was to hire a new teacher. Plan hasn't fully worked out and I will be taking over some of her classes and the TA I had in my math classes will be taking over my classes.
This process all begins on Monday. Monday is also the day of our mock OFSTEAD inspection, so kind of a big day in the school, and probably not the best for all of these changes to go down, especially as we are now officially at the beginning of our strike.
As much as I enjoy teaching math, I see this as a great and exciting opportunity. I will definitely miss some of my classes and some of my students and there are others that I have done a little celebration dance as I walk out of the classroom. My next week if full of me observing lessons, my lessons being observed and a whole bunch of coaching before the head leaves. It's a great time for my own development personally, but also for my belonging in the school. For me, Monday is like the first day of school all over again. New faces, new classrooms, new start, new routines. This is a chance to take that coaching I have received over the past couple of weeks and practice it with a clean slate.
I also found out today that because my schedule will be reduced now with this new timetable I will also be doing some cover lessons. This means, supply work within the school. Which is another opportunity to check out other classrooms and things going on in the school, and maybe even step foot into a gymnasium!
School lately has been great, but I use that term loosely. It's been great compared to what it is and has been. There's not actually a lot great about it, but for me, I have my head back in the right place and it's not such a depressing place to be anymore. I try to enjoy myself much more, and like most things, find the bright side - and there is always one no matter how long and how dark that tunnel may be. I've stopped stressing about changing my personality and other teachers calling me too nice and am just sticking with what I know best and that's how to be me. It may take a little extra longer in terms of the initial behaviour management. But there's a couple of classes with troublesome kids that I have gained a lot more respect in because of the interest I show in them. I can't do this babysitting thing all day, so I am doing what I can to teach these kids a little something.
My true passion is sport for development, which is teaching life skills through sport. Unfortunately I don't have as my vehicle for learning, but I do have the opportunity to help instil those same life skills into these students. Which in reality is something they need most right now.

This past weekend I had some family time and hung out with my Godmother Louise in London, wandering the streets of Covent Garden and walking along the river. This coming weekend I am heading to Stonehenge, Windsor Castle and the Roman Baths. I am very excited to really begin my travels and for the photo opportunities it brings.

It's been a lovely week with a few phone calls home and catching up, school has gone well, and I finally get a tour of the new building tomorrow! Friday I am off for a day development in teaching science, and then ready to begin my lovely weekend with a night in a hotel and a hot, powerful shower!

Will definitely be thinking of everyone at home this weekend as you enjoy your turkey dinners. I have ground turkey, that I will have to cook up and have my own little Thanksgiving dinner!

A Single Step

It seems as though I take one step forwards and two backwards. I had refocused my attentions, gained a new perspective on things and was ready to go into battle. But this week, just as I was ready to charge it felt like I got stiff armed and knocked straight to the ground. I got knocked down hard.

I find myself looking for the small things in particular classes, in the school itself, pinpointing positives out of each day. Some days, sadly enough, even for an optimist like me it is hard. As hard as it may be though it all still comes down to attitude. Attitude can make or break you and the way you live your life. Even in the worst of times a little adjustment and you are bound to find something to smile about. Sometimes you just need a reminder.

Today I was passing along the link to my blog to a former teacher of mine who was asking about my time in England. I don't check the main page too often as most of my time is spent on the composing interface. But when I opened my blog I noticed the quote I have at the top. This has been a favourite quote of mine for a long time, ever since I got it in a fortune cookie.

"A journey of a thousand miles begins with a single step." - Lao Tzu

When I put that quote on my blog I was thinking of moving to England to teach as my single step to my journey of teaching. What I forgot about was the small trips that need to take place within that journey. Each day, there are baby steps that take place in my classes, that is the single step on my students' journey. Continued professional development is a part of my continued journey. There are single steps being taken everywhere. Somedays you just have to look a little harder for them.

No doubt this is the most challenging experience I have gone through. There has been lots of tears, but there has also been lots of smiles. 

A pedagogical tool often used in teaching, scaffolding, is building up to the bigger picture. It's time I narrow my search, and start scaffolding my dreams. The big picture isn't painted in one night, but in little sections for many nights.

I had a good lesson with one of my most challenging classes today. A lot of other things also went on, but the take home piece is the good lesson. For the rest of the stuff, tomorrow is a new day.