I don't know what it is, but there is just something so relaxing, mind settling, peace keeping about walking along the ocean. And after some crazy couple of weeks, this was perfect. A perfect battery recharge and a final push for the next three weeks before the holidays.
I had Friday off of school, so for my long weekend I visited my godmother, Louise. I spent Friday wandering on my own, walking through many different small towns, up and down the high streets, taking pictures. It was on my way to Banstead that although, not a history buff, one of the things I love most about England is it's hidden treasures. I am came out of a footpath, I was sidetracked by this old church and a graveyard that was full of the above ground graves. As much as cemeteries creep me out, I was awe struck by the history and the beauty of this one. I wandered around looking at the stones, becoming emotional at the age of some of the people or the families buried together.
My godmother and I have a very quiet relationship, in that not much talking goes on, but we both enjoy each others company and the small conversations that do take place. As we walked from one side of the Brighton seaside to the other side, we walked beside each other, pointing out the beautiful buildings and sights, but mostly in silence, taking in each moment and the beautiful surroundings.
Brighton is a gorgeous town, directly on the ocean. It is known as the San Francisco of England, but is nice in that is has a very open culture. Although extremely busy, it also a very calm place, and busy without the hustle and bustle of London. There is so much to do and look at, and although it was absolutely freezing, it was still a beautiful weekend there. However, can't wait to go back in the summer!
As a child I loved the Little Mermaid, and was deeply interested in sea life, particularly Whales and Dolphins. I think in my past life I must have been one of the two because the ocean still holds a heavy portion of my heart. During the stresses of this year it is my whale music that calms me. Maybe an embarrassing fact to share, but there is just something about it that eases me. It is what I listen to when my mind won't stop working. And that is exactly how I felt this weekend. Waves crashing, seagulls chirping, kids laughing - the beach is where I belong and this visit has only just confirmed my plans to move coastal for next year.
While in this state of solitude I started to think about my journey in the past three months. The ups, the downs, the greats and the horribles. I signed up for an adventure, but had no idea what that entailed.
A part of travelling that I love is the changes it leaves on you as a person, the impact a place has on developing you as a character. Heading into El Salvador and South Africa I knew the challenges I was going to be confronted with, I had an expectation of the impact these places would leave on me. I knew my teaching practice would improve and I would learn all kinds about school, but I did not expect such big personal changes in such a short time.
It's hard to believe that in three months, I went from thinking this was the worst life decision I have ever made and wanting to come home, to absolutely loving working at this school, being a maths and science teacher, to a science and cover teacher, to a science, cover and PE teacher and now the most recent science, maths and cover teacher. Being away from my Mum when one minute she's cancer free and the next she has cancer to a one month later when she could possibly be cancer free once again. From the stories I hear of my students, or the craziness of my coworkers. To now getting ready to move an entire school. All of these have become a part of my life story. A story I wanted to write a new chapter by moving here.
Part of my coming here was an escape from my hometown, a runaway from a horrible relationship and a time to figure everything out; myself, who I want to be and what I want to do, and without the suffocating aura of Oakville drama.
Moving here I felt the distance, but immediately something was lifted off of my shoulders. There was no one to impress, no one to pretend to be; it was just me. Some sort of freedom took over and I could breath clear once again. A sense of pride in myself and an invitation to fully express who I am was extended.
At home, everyone has watched me transform from a very timid, young girl to an adventurous, outgoing young lady. But coming to England, I was still very unsure of myself as a person. I knew what I wanted to do, but I didn't know who I wanted to be. I was trapped in this people pleasing body, but not happy about it. For far too long it has lead me to heart break, it has gotten me lost, and resulted in the loss of many good friends.
When I first found out about the day I was coming home I was only telling specific people, only the people I wanted to know and to see. But as I did this, I felt myself slipping back into hiding. I found myself retreating, back to who I was before I came here and letting myself be controlled by Oakville and the people within it once again.
As I walked along the beach in Brighton, I was thinking about this journey and where I have ended up. A sense of confidence in myself took over. A sense of accomplishment brought smiles to my face. I am doing what I want to do, I am where I want to be and I am here for my own reasons, not having some unknown power control me. I am no longer in hiding. I have made it public knowledge when I will be home, and I am not afraid of who knows or who I see when I am home. I finally have a sense of freedom and can breath easy. Enough of the madness, move on, and conquer the world.
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