After a long week, full of ups and downs, good and bad moods, I had a weekend just to myself. No travel, no meeting friends in London, just a chance to unwind. My weekend was filled with movies, junk food and photo books.
Photo books; if anyone is struggling for a gift for anyone, my Mum bought me gift certificates for these for Christmas. They are amazing! Turning your photos into hard copy books, such a great keep sake. I have ordered one book and half way through making the second. Two books of my time in South Africa. The first book of animals and landscapes, the second of people and faces. I am extremely excited for the faces edition. But, this gave me a wonderful opportunity to slowly go back through the pictures, relive the memories, and reflect on the emotions. Even though I took the pictures, I think my South Africa collection is one of my best. This could be though because of the emotions attached to each picture.
Although looking back was enjoyable, a look to the future was sparked by a certain movie. Although it appeared under the romantic comedy category, it was romantic, but definitely not a comedy, more on the sad side. But, good nonetheless. In this movie, a girl, Em, played by Anne Hathaway, meets, somehow, either in person or via phone, her best friend Dexter (Jim Sturgess) on the same day every year. July 15th.
Another fantastic present from my Mum was a 5 year journal. Everyday it asks a question, a different question. But on that day, for the next 5 years, you will always answer the same question.
As the lives changed of Em and Dexter, I began to think about the journal, my life over the next 5 years. The growth that has happened in the last couple of years, and then comparing that having 5 years of my life documents in a little brown book.
Before bed each day I answer the question. It has become one of my favourite parts of the day. Some of the questions are quite easy, like what did you have for lunch today? Whereas, some of them are quite thought provoking. Looking at my answers from the beginning of January, they tend to be short, not much thought put into them. Now that my trust in the book has been developed, I have opened up.
One of the questions last week was "What do you want to forget?" Immediately, bad memories start rushing to your head. Do I wish to forget that moment, or this person, the heart break or the knee injury? You go through it all. But when it comes down to putting pen on paper, it's almost impossible. Taking a sneak peek at the question for the following day "Who do you want to be?" immediately made the forgetting question that much easier to answer.
Without the madness of the on and off roller coaster, without injuring my knee, without friends passing away, or loved ones being ill, who would I be. Going through struggles, making mistakes and coming out on the positive end of the spectrum is what makes us stronger. An athlete's character isn't determined by how well they win, but by how well they lose and what they do next time.
As I continue to fill out this little book, whether it be the simple questions or challenging questions, I continue to learn and I continue to reflect.
This journal was given to me with such great timing, as I adjust and become more comfortable with my journey in England, for the next year and a half, and then onto another one, who knows where. But when I'm finished this journal, I'll be 28 (terrifying to think about), but exciting to think of everything that will be in this book.
Much as Em and Dexter revisited their lives on the same day each year, embracing the changes, I am excited.
I had a mentor meeting today and we were comparing 4 weeks into last term and 4 weeks into this term and the complete polar opposites of emotions and attitude that I have. Last term, I was ready to pack my bags. This term, I love it. Yes, there are some classes I wish the bell would ring sooner, but there are those that I really do enjoy. I am currently in an internal debate of whether to stay at this school or to find a new one next year. It is not a hidden fact at my indecisiveness with big decisions, so take the answer I give you each day as it comes.
I will be in Venice in 2 and a half weeks and have that all planned out. Looking at an Emirates Stadium tour for the half term week as well. I may also be officially joining the PE team and picking up 4 hours of classes that have now been deemed "Football Wednesdays." My Contiki Tour books have also just arrived today to start putting my summer plans together. Definitely plenty of good things to come and the time is flying by here!
Although contact with home has been way more this week, I've been thinking of you all a lot. I love you all and miss you dearly. Thanks for supporting my adventure through reading my blog and sending all you wonderful words. My Ontario mug sits on my desk (full of pens and pencils since I don't like tea or coffee), but you are all with me everyday. Much love, Shelbs.
Monday, February 4, 2013
Monday, January 21, 2013
Two Weeks Into Term
Last term, two weeks into the term I was ready to pack my bags and come home. I had enough and thought there was no way I could survive working at this school with these students. Two weeks into the new term, I'm still here and couldn't picture myself anywhere else.
Living in England is no longer something that feels new, something that may be short term, or a big decision to make. Obviously I miss my friends and family at home, but my life is in England now. Coming back from Canada felt like heading back to your University house after Christmas. It felt normal, it felt comfortable. Things aren't new anymore, rather they are a way of life.
I am now training with a soccer team (will start playing in games once all the paperwork goes through and clearances are made). I am involved in extra curriculars at school with both staff and students. All of which have helped to develop a routine and establish my life here. I am assistant coaching Netball, which I am quite excited for as I have only been involved with Netball once in my life and that was for a university presentation. I am coaching a football team. I am playing on a football team and participating in the staff Badminton or 5-a-side football. A good group of a friends has also developed as pub night Fridays continue and then back again on the weekends to watch the football games.
My confidence going into this term was much greater than going into last term and I have everything that has happened in the last 5 months to thank for that. The last 5 months have been the biggest and best learning experiences that I have had and that no amount of money could buy. I continue to challenge and figure myself out more and more each day, I continue to try new teaching ideas, as well as seeking assistance for ideas from past teachers and current colleagues.
This week I had a surprise reunion with my international class via Skype. It was interesting to hear how the past 5 months have changed everyones' lives from many different parts of the world. This conversation had someone from Burlington, Nunavut, London and Stevenage. No one, except for the 4 of us in the class will understand the bond that was made between us, and because of that our conversations are very personal and an excellent support system. Everyone described challenges they have gone through, but only expressed the feeling of happiness. (Also had to laugh at Pete talking about his -40 degree weather and Christine and I mocking our "Snowmageddon" closing schools on Friday and Monday).
Clearly, once a Badger, always a Badger...I was also Skyped into a Brock University, Hamilton Campus class this week. During this class, REd teachers, my agency was presenting to the new teacher candidates about teaching abroad. I found it hard to believe that that was me sitting in that room last year. The teacher candidates looked so eager as I spoke, bright eyed, excited, nervous and whole other mix of emotions. Some of them you could tell were there because they thought it was a cool idea, and others you could tell were there because this is what they want to do. My favourite part for both groups was seeing the excitement in these teacher candidates, seeing them talk to me and realize that this dream can simply become a reality.
My life here is much more settled, and much more comfortable. The only thing missing is my photography. I have been extremely slacking on my photography course, but have not taken pictures in a while. I am extremely excited though, because, an impulse decision (which normally for me is buying a new dress or purse or shoes) I booked a plane ticket to Venice! I am off to Venice for 3 days in February and ready to dust off my camera. 4 weeks!
Now that everything is checked off my to do list for today, I'm off to build a snowman and some tobogganing!
Monday, January 7, 2013
A Year in Review
2012 started off simple, quiet, and hanging out with those who are important to me. It also ended much the same way. However, what happened in between that time I don't even know if I have the words to express it.
2012 was set up with high hopes from the moment I decided I wanted to be a teacher. 2012 meant the year that all my schooling was complete. I crossed that line from student to professional and was presented with that scary thought of entering the real world.
As the year started, I didn't think too much of it. I was going through my day to day routines, nothing too exciting. But it all started with the acceptance letter for the South Africa practicum, then came the England interview, and then my car spun out on black ice and I crashed into a wall.
That crash though, was much of a symbol of how my year progressed. And not in a bad way. But more the uncontrollable, adrenalin kind of way. Hitting the wall, my car had a little scrape and a popped out bumper. Nothing too serious, but enough change to be noticeable.
Most people that meet me now don't believe me when I say I used to be shy, and used to be realllly shy. As I progressed through my placements last year, I could feel myself gain more confidence, and breaking out of that shell I had held onto so tightly for so many years.
Travelling to South Africa was really when I broke through this. Comparing South Africa to El Salvador, the trips were very similar. Same school environments, same student lifestyles, aspect of danger, etc. But comparing who I was when I went to El Salvador in 2010 to who I became in South Africa in 2012 became my own little story. And oddly enough, something that made the changes noticeable was the food.
2012 definitely became a year of food for me. I ate Ostrich, Springbok, Crocodile, Warthog, Billatong, Haggis, Blood Pudding, and I'm sure there's a couple I'm forgetting. I was trying new things without any hesitation. Something of which used to be very unusual behaviour for me.
Since my knee injury, I have let that get in the way of a lot of things. But, in Africa, despite my fear of heights and my knee, I climbed Lion's Head mountain.
These challenges and successes are all very symbolic of the past few years of my life, but in particular this past year. 2012 had very many ups and downs, but also a lot of discovery.
I graduated teachers college and even Ryan Gosling was so proud he came to watch me walk across the stage (obviously not to watch his Mum), I travelled to South Africa, Amsterdam, Paris, Scotland and I moved to England.
I have met some really amazing people and made some of the best of friends I have ever had, I also have met some really lame people, and I have rid some really horrible people from my life. All of these people however have had an impact on who I am starting 2013.
2013 started much like 2012 did, quiet, relaxed, and time well spent with family. All that may have taken place in 2012 though feels much like the calm before the storm. 2013 is starting off right away with it's challenges, but it's also starting off with a lot of excitement. I can only imagine the amount of mountains I am going to have to climb this year. But I can't wait to get over each and every one of them.
I am now back in England, and started back at school today. Thank goodness for no students because me and jet lag are fighting a vicious battle and well, I'm losing. We've moved into our new school building and it is really amazing. Hard to envision our students working in it, and hard to picture how my classroom is going to work without walls, but time will tell.
I have soccer try outs tomorrow evening, I am beyond excited to start playing again. As well, I have signed up for a tough mudder in London in June.
Next on the list is to start planning my trips, first holiday is in 6 weeks!
Having the 4 months away and coming back for the holidays really made me realize who I have become, who my real, great friends are how important my friends and family are. The challenges from last year and the ones I'm about to face this year would not seem so possible without them. As tough as stepping foot back on that plane may have been on Friday, as hard as it was to say goodbye again, I can't wait for everything that is going to happen this year!
Wednesday, December 12, 2012
Good Life
On my way home from the gym today one of my favourite songs came on shuffle on my iPod; Good Life by One Republic. I have listened to this song many times, belted it out with friends while driving to the beach, or listened to it to turn a frown upside down. But something caught my attention this time - the opening lines...
Woke up in London yesterday
Found myself in a city near Piccadilly
Don't really know how I got here
I got some pictures on my phone
New names and numbers that I don't know
Addresses to places like Abbey Road
Day turns to night, night turns to whatever we want
We're young enough to say
These words describe everything that has been going on in my life the past three months. Everything has been so new, so different, so challenging, but so fun.
Last week I had one of the most incredible weeks and the happiness and excitement of where I am and what I am doing really clicked. We had our first British snow day, and what a delight that was looking out the window to see roughly an inch of snow, already melting. But the week continued to get better with one of the greatest moments I have had at my school, or probably any teaching experience I've had so far.
10 students out of 23 are away from school ill, it's a revision (studying) lesson, usually something pretty boring. But, given the snow day the day before, the huge lack of a class, I decided to make it a little more exciting. We had a snow ball fight - with paper. I told all students to write a question on their piece of paper, crumple it up into a ball, stand up, spread out, and maybe take cover. I had one student ask "Miss, what if I threw this at you?" To which, my response was "Not yet!" The moment I said "SNOW BALL FIIGHT!" I had thirteen students turn around and throw paper snow balls at me.
Moments like that one are the moments I have been living for as a teacher. The moments that have been lacking at my school, but also back in September, moments I never thought I would have at this school.
This week continued with something I have always wanted to do, it was a big dream come true and turned out even more amazing than I ever could have imagined. After all the years of watching the English Premier League on TV, I was finally in a stadium. The stadium to my favourite team; home of the gooners - Emirates Stadium. Being inside that stadium was like nothing I have ever experienced. The stadium was massive, but completely filled with fans and full of song. The constant chanting of "ARR-SEN-ALLL! ARR-SEN-ALLL!" had the same echoing feel as the vuvuzelas in South Africa. The cheers for the goals, the standing ovations for the substitutions. Such pride and a true sense of ownership is taken by the fans developing a complete respect and passion for the team and for the sport. The atmosphere at Toronto FC games may be fun, but most of that atmosphere is a party. The atmosphere here was an environment of passion and love of a sport and a specific team. It was incredible. (As well, the comments from the fans were actually knowledgable suggestions or remarks!) But, this experienced was peaked when Thierry Henry walked through my box. Henry is my all time soccer hero, a true legend and my absolute favourite. I saw him play in the MLS last year, and was lucky enough to see him score in that game. I thought that was an incredible moment. But when he was walking through, he passed me with only the width of the seat behind me, the wind from his walk blew my hair, I thought I had died and gone to heaven. My hero had just walked right beside me. As a friend of my Dad puts it "I went to heaven and saw God."
Life in England has made such a turn around since September, my life has made such a turn around since September. For once in my life I am beyond excited to come home. I have some of the most amazing friends at home and unfortunately it took me moving away to realize how great those friendships really are. But as the song continues...
Oh this has gotta be the good life
This has gotta be the good life
This could really be the good life, good life
Say oh, got this feeling you can't fight
Like this city is on fire tonight
This could really be a good life
A good, good life
Those words define exactly it. "Like this city is on fire tonight." I am travelling, I moved to some where on the other side of the world, doing what I want to do in a city full of excitement.
To my friends in New York, I say hello
My friends in L.A., they don't know
Where I've been for the past few years or so
From Paris to China to Colorado
Sometimes there's airplanes I can't jump out
Sometimes there's bullshit that don't work now
We all got our stories
But tell me what is there to complain about
In September I wasn't sure how long I would stay here for. Some of the fights with "friends" that were triggered by me moving away were heart breaking. Being away from my Mum when she was sick was extremely challenging. But as the song says "We all got our stories, But tell me what is there to complain about." (This is a particularly refreshing lyric, because boy do British people complain, or as they say, "winge")
When you're happy like a fool
Let it take you over
When everything is out
You gotta take it in
This is the good life, and with the holidays quickly approaching I hope everyone realizes that and has very, very happy holidays. Enjoy the music video and listen to rest of the worlds, they truly are great. Thank you to everyone who have been reading my updates at home and all over the world. Enjoy the good life and see you all very soon (9 days!!)
This is the good life, and with the holidays quickly approaching I hope everyone realizes that and has very, very happy holidays. Enjoy the music video and listen to rest of the worlds, they truly are great. Thank you to everyone who have been reading my updates at home and all over the world. Enjoy the good life and see you all very soon (9 days!!)
Monday, December 3, 2012
A Walk Along the Ocean
I don't know what it is, but there is just something so relaxing, mind settling, peace keeping about walking along the ocean. And after some crazy couple of weeks, this was perfect. A perfect battery recharge and a final push for the next three weeks before the holidays.
I had Friday off of school, so for my long weekend I visited my godmother, Louise. I spent Friday wandering on my own, walking through many different small towns, up and down the high streets, taking pictures. It was on my way to Banstead that although, not a history buff, one of the things I love most about England is it's hidden treasures. I am came out of a footpath, I was sidetracked by this old church and a graveyard that was full of the above ground graves. As much as cemeteries creep me out, I was awe struck by the history and the beauty of this one. I wandered around looking at the stones, becoming emotional at the age of some of the people or the families buried together.
My godmother and I have a very quiet relationship, in that not much talking goes on, but we both enjoy each others company and the small conversations that do take place. As we walked from one side of the Brighton seaside to the other side, we walked beside each other, pointing out the beautiful buildings and sights, but mostly in silence, taking in each moment and the beautiful surroundings.
Brighton is a gorgeous town, directly on the ocean. It is known as the San Francisco of England, but is nice in that is has a very open culture. Although extremely busy, it also a very calm place, and busy without the hustle and bustle of London. There is so much to do and look at, and although it was absolutely freezing, it was still a beautiful weekend there. However, can't wait to go back in the summer!
As a child I loved the Little Mermaid, and was deeply interested in sea life, particularly Whales and Dolphins. I think in my past life I must have been one of the two because the ocean still holds a heavy portion of my heart. During the stresses of this year it is my whale music that calms me. Maybe an embarrassing fact to share, but there is just something about it that eases me. It is what I listen to when my mind won't stop working. And that is exactly how I felt this weekend. Waves crashing, seagulls chirping, kids laughing - the beach is where I belong and this visit has only just confirmed my plans to move coastal for next year.
While in this state of solitude I started to think about my journey in the past three months. The ups, the downs, the greats and the horribles. I signed up for an adventure, but had no idea what that entailed.
A part of travelling that I love is the changes it leaves on you as a person, the impact a place has on developing you as a character. Heading into El Salvador and South Africa I knew the challenges I was going to be confronted with, I had an expectation of the impact these places would leave on me. I knew my teaching practice would improve and I would learn all kinds about school, but I did not expect such big personal changes in such a short time.
It's hard to believe that in three months, I went from thinking this was the worst life decision I have ever made and wanting to come home, to absolutely loving working at this school, being a maths and science teacher, to a science and cover teacher, to a science, cover and PE teacher and now the most recent science, maths and cover teacher. Being away from my Mum when one minute she's cancer free and the next she has cancer to a one month later when she could possibly be cancer free once again. From the stories I hear of my students, or the craziness of my coworkers. To now getting ready to move an entire school. All of these have become a part of my life story. A story I wanted to write a new chapter by moving here.
Part of my coming here was an escape from my hometown, a runaway from a horrible relationship and a time to figure everything out; myself, who I want to be and what I want to do, and without the suffocating aura of Oakville drama.
Moving here I felt the distance, but immediately something was lifted off of my shoulders. There was no one to impress, no one to pretend to be; it was just me. Some sort of freedom took over and I could breath clear once again. A sense of pride in myself and an invitation to fully express who I am was extended.
At home, everyone has watched me transform from a very timid, young girl to an adventurous, outgoing young lady. But coming to England, I was still very unsure of myself as a person. I knew what I wanted to do, but I didn't know who I wanted to be. I was trapped in this people pleasing body, but not happy about it. For far too long it has lead me to heart break, it has gotten me lost, and resulted in the loss of many good friends.
When I first found out about the day I was coming home I was only telling specific people, only the people I wanted to know and to see. But as I did this, I felt myself slipping back into hiding. I found myself retreating, back to who I was before I came here and letting myself be controlled by Oakville and the people within it once again.
As I walked along the beach in Brighton, I was thinking about this journey and where I have ended up. A sense of confidence in myself took over. A sense of accomplishment brought smiles to my face. I am doing what I want to do, I am where I want to be and I am here for my own reasons, not having some unknown power control me. I am no longer in hiding. I have made it public knowledge when I will be home, and I am not afraid of who knows or who I see when I am home. I finally have a sense of freedom and can breath easy. Enough of the madness, move on, and conquer the world.
I had Friday off of school, so for my long weekend I visited my godmother, Louise. I spent Friday wandering on my own, walking through many different small towns, up and down the high streets, taking pictures. It was on my way to Banstead that although, not a history buff, one of the things I love most about England is it's hidden treasures. I am came out of a footpath, I was sidetracked by this old church and a graveyard that was full of the above ground graves. As much as cemeteries creep me out, I was awe struck by the history and the beauty of this one. I wandered around looking at the stones, becoming emotional at the age of some of the people or the families buried together.
My godmother and I have a very quiet relationship, in that not much talking goes on, but we both enjoy each others company and the small conversations that do take place. As we walked from one side of the Brighton seaside to the other side, we walked beside each other, pointing out the beautiful buildings and sights, but mostly in silence, taking in each moment and the beautiful surroundings.
Brighton is a gorgeous town, directly on the ocean. It is known as the San Francisco of England, but is nice in that is has a very open culture. Although extremely busy, it also a very calm place, and busy without the hustle and bustle of London. There is so much to do and look at, and although it was absolutely freezing, it was still a beautiful weekend there. However, can't wait to go back in the summer!
As a child I loved the Little Mermaid, and was deeply interested in sea life, particularly Whales and Dolphins. I think in my past life I must have been one of the two because the ocean still holds a heavy portion of my heart. During the stresses of this year it is my whale music that calms me. Maybe an embarrassing fact to share, but there is just something about it that eases me. It is what I listen to when my mind won't stop working. And that is exactly how I felt this weekend. Waves crashing, seagulls chirping, kids laughing - the beach is where I belong and this visit has only just confirmed my plans to move coastal for next year.
While in this state of solitude I started to think about my journey in the past three months. The ups, the downs, the greats and the horribles. I signed up for an adventure, but had no idea what that entailed.
A part of travelling that I love is the changes it leaves on you as a person, the impact a place has on developing you as a character. Heading into El Salvador and South Africa I knew the challenges I was going to be confronted with, I had an expectation of the impact these places would leave on me. I knew my teaching practice would improve and I would learn all kinds about school, but I did not expect such big personal changes in such a short time.
It's hard to believe that in three months, I went from thinking this was the worst life decision I have ever made and wanting to come home, to absolutely loving working at this school, being a maths and science teacher, to a science and cover teacher, to a science, cover and PE teacher and now the most recent science, maths and cover teacher. Being away from my Mum when one minute she's cancer free and the next she has cancer to a one month later when she could possibly be cancer free once again. From the stories I hear of my students, or the craziness of my coworkers. To now getting ready to move an entire school. All of these have become a part of my life story. A story I wanted to write a new chapter by moving here.
Part of my coming here was an escape from my hometown, a runaway from a horrible relationship and a time to figure everything out; myself, who I want to be and what I want to do, and without the suffocating aura of Oakville drama.
Moving here I felt the distance, but immediately something was lifted off of my shoulders. There was no one to impress, no one to pretend to be; it was just me. Some sort of freedom took over and I could breath clear once again. A sense of pride in myself and an invitation to fully express who I am was extended.
At home, everyone has watched me transform from a very timid, young girl to an adventurous, outgoing young lady. But coming to England, I was still very unsure of myself as a person. I knew what I wanted to do, but I didn't know who I wanted to be. I was trapped in this people pleasing body, but not happy about it. For far too long it has lead me to heart break, it has gotten me lost, and resulted in the loss of many good friends.
When I first found out about the day I was coming home I was only telling specific people, only the people I wanted to know and to see. But as I did this, I felt myself slipping back into hiding. I found myself retreating, back to who I was before I came here and letting myself be controlled by Oakville and the people within it once again.
As I walked along the beach in Brighton, I was thinking about this journey and where I have ended up. A sense of confidence in myself took over. A sense of accomplishment brought smiles to my face. I am doing what I want to do, I am where I want to be and I am here for my own reasons, not having some unknown power control me. I am no longer in hiding. I have made it public knowledge when I will be home, and I am not afraid of who knows or who I see when I am home. I finally have a sense of freedom and can breath easy. Enough of the madness, move on, and conquer the world.
Wednesday, November 21, 2012
Networks
I've been starring at a blank page for a couple of weeks now, I've written 3 or 4 posts and instead of clicking publish, I click delete. I keep going over the events and the stories since my last update and have no idea where to begin or where I go from there.
I have had these first couple of sentences written for about three hours, write some more and delete it. I don't know if this writer's block is a side effect of exhaustion, or a feeling of helplessness that rests inside me, or a fact that writing something seems to make it more real.
As I've been attempting to write though, I've been talking to friends and family on various social media outlets. This got me thinking about networks and the benefit they can have.
When talking about networks, you typically jump to the ever popular social networking, or next in line, business networking, but what often gets forgotten about is the network of family.
As close as I am with my family, I've never really been a home body, and in this time away, I haven't really missed home. That is until the passed couple of weeks.
November 4th, my life changed when my Mum, my best friend, told me she had cancer. At that moment, life in England came to a stand still, but my Mum's support system grew. It was incredible to watch and be a part of a team that developed over night to support one cause. It's amazing how people rise to an occasion. This support system infused in my Mother a positive attitude and enabled her to go into the surgery strong and come out of the hospital in record time.
As hard as it was for me to be away from this, or have my Mum tell me she's been cooking all week and I wasn't there to help, seeing the support from everyone else, left me knowing that she was in good hands. This moment united my family as one army, and it became a family battle against the cancer.
Being so far away, definitely made me miss home, and miss my friends. For the first time I felt alone here. I had coworkers to talk to, but I didn't have that friend to take you out, or come over with some ice cream.
This had me thinking about my students as well. In the past couple of weeks I have developed bonds with some of my students that I am now their go to person, someone they confide in. Stories I am hearing from students are things I have never ever expected to hear as a teacher, or be trying to handle these specific situations. But it makes me wonder, my Mum has a support team of about 30 people behind her, these students have me. In order for them to be strong, I must remain strong, but I am currently feeling defeated, and completely helpless. I don't know where to go next.
The past couple of weeks for me have been sleepless, had their ups and downs, a little more drama than necessary, and a brain running like a hamster wheel, but in the end everything has worked out.
During my struggles at the beginning of the school year, a good friend sent me an image with a quote on it that read "Like photography, life develops from the negatives."
The storm is over, my Mum is an absolute trooper and on the mend, and my hard work at school has been rewarded. It's time to start looking at the pictures.
I had my second observation this week, and I could not be happier with how it went. After my first one I was prepared to walk out of this school and never look back. I've been working hard, and a set a goal of a mark I wanted and got that goal. For a keener like me, a grade of satisfactory may not seem very good, but, coming from an inadequate, and the conditions in this school, I could not be happier. Ultimately, I want a "good" grade, but it's one level at a time and I have 4 more observations to go for this year.
From this work though, I was praised with a note from agency, passing along a message from my Headmaster who is extremely impressed with my work!
There always is a bright light at the end of every dark tunnel, good things do come. My family is closer than ever, my Mum is doing incredible, and I am home in 4 weeks!
Next step, getting over this road bump in my student's case and figuring out the solution.
I have had these first couple of sentences written for about three hours, write some more and delete it. I don't know if this writer's block is a side effect of exhaustion, or a feeling of helplessness that rests inside me, or a fact that writing something seems to make it more real.
As I've been attempting to write though, I've been talking to friends and family on various social media outlets. This got me thinking about networks and the benefit they can have.
When talking about networks, you typically jump to the ever popular social networking, or next in line, business networking, but what often gets forgotten about is the network of family.
As close as I am with my family, I've never really been a home body, and in this time away, I haven't really missed home. That is until the passed couple of weeks.
November 4th, my life changed when my Mum, my best friend, told me she had cancer. At that moment, life in England came to a stand still, but my Mum's support system grew. It was incredible to watch and be a part of a team that developed over night to support one cause. It's amazing how people rise to an occasion. This support system infused in my Mother a positive attitude and enabled her to go into the surgery strong and come out of the hospital in record time.
As hard as it was for me to be away from this, or have my Mum tell me she's been cooking all week and I wasn't there to help, seeing the support from everyone else, left me knowing that she was in good hands. This moment united my family as one army, and it became a family battle against the cancer.
Being so far away, definitely made me miss home, and miss my friends. For the first time I felt alone here. I had coworkers to talk to, but I didn't have that friend to take you out, or come over with some ice cream.
This had me thinking about my students as well. In the past couple of weeks I have developed bonds with some of my students that I am now their go to person, someone they confide in. Stories I am hearing from students are things I have never ever expected to hear as a teacher, or be trying to handle these specific situations. But it makes me wonder, my Mum has a support team of about 30 people behind her, these students have me. In order for them to be strong, I must remain strong, but I am currently feeling defeated, and completely helpless. I don't know where to go next.
The past couple of weeks for me have been sleepless, had their ups and downs, a little more drama than necessary, and a brain running like a hamster wheel, but in the end everything has worked out.
During my struggles at the beginning of the school year, a good friend sent me an image with a quote on it that read "Like photography, life develops from the negatives."
The storm is over, my Mum is an absolute trooper and on the mend, and my hard work at school has been rewarded. It's time to start looking at the pictures.
I had my second observation this week, and I could not be happier with how it went. After my first one I was prepared to walk out of this school and never look back. I've been working hard, and a set a goal of a mark I wanted and got that goal. For a keener like me, a grade of satisfactory may not seem very good, but, coming from an inadequate, and the conditions in this school, I could not be happier. Ultimately, I want a "good" grade, but it's one level at a time and I have 4 more observations to go for this year.
From this work though, I was praised with a note from agency, passing along a message from my Headmaster who is extremely impressed with my work!
There always is a bright light at the end of every dark tunnel, good things do come. My family is closer than ever, my Mum is doing incredible, and I am home in 4 weeks!
Next step, getting over this road bump in my student's case and figuring out the solution.
Sunday, November 4, 2012
Scenery and Stories
There's a difference between travelling and being a tourist and I never really noticed until this past week. My previous journeys, I have travelled in groups and been with like minded people. I have been enveloped in the culture and lifestyle of the places I have gone. But what I was forgetting about those experiences is that my tours were private. I travelled with the group I was with.
I spent the first couple of days of my half term in Edinburgh being a tourist. I went on tours of specific attractions - Loch Lomond and Loch Ness. On these tours I ran into all kinds of people, all kinds of annoying people. Tourists are the most selfish, absorbed in their own world kind of people.
A couple weeks ago I was having a conversation at work about young people and how they think they're so worldly and cultured. The conversation was started by a coworker saying that I am not like this, but I am someone that rightfully could be. I learned first hand exactly what was meant by this when a fellow tour mate kept talking about the places she has been and the places she wants to go. What she could not tell you though was what she learned, what she had experienced, what she gained from travelling to those places.
This particular person made me reflect on how I am on my journeys, am I a tourist or a traveller?
I think the key difference between the two is the immersement into culture. As a tourist you are there to see the popular sites, take some photographs and on to the next site of popularity. As a traveller you are there to learn and to experience. You take in the culture, try the foods, hear the stories. From this, I can happily say, I consider myself to be a traveller.
When I came back from South Africa, I wrote a reflection piece about story telling. All of my students had stories, good stories, tragic stories, didn't matter what kind, they had stories. I wrote of the importance, particularly as a teacher to hear those stories. But, when I was writing that piece, I wasn't thinking of myself as a person, I was thinking just as a teacher, and I never stopped to think if I had my own stories.
My next few days in Scotland were spent meeting family first the first time. This was a wonderful experience and meant more to me than words can probably express. I got to hear all of the stories of my past. And not just wee ones about who family are, but stories full of history, bringing me back to my roots. Not only did I get to hear these stories, I got to meet the people, see photographs and see the sites. There was so much family history I had no idea about, so many things my roots were involved in developing and creating, things that are still around today. My new favourite candy is something called a Hawick Ball. Hawick is the town my family grew up in, where they still reside and where I visited for a couple of days. A lady by the name of Aggie Lamb created the recipe for these candies, and she is a Great Great Great Granny of mine.
I had a teacher last year, after her grandmother had passed away, explain to us the wonderful experience she had hearing and recording her grandmother's stories. At that time I didn't fully grasp what she was talking about. Not until I heard the stories of various extensions of family.
I started my half term meeting family for the first time, knowing very little, and ending it a couple days later feeling like I have known them for years, and can definitely call them family.
By spending time with my family, I was able to experience the traditional culture and food. I tried Haggis and Black Pudding, both of which are absolutely delicious, also drank a lot of Irn Bru. On top of the adventurous foods, I learned a whole new language, from each part of Scotland I visited.
Overall, I had two absolute favourite parts. The first was stopping at Scott's View. Scott's view was a spot favourited by a famous writer, his thinking spot. As I stood there taking in the scenery, the incredible colours of the Autumn trees, snapping photos, my Uncle began to play the bagpipes. For the first time, I didn't want to take pictures of what I was seeing. Instead, all I could do was sit there and take in the moment, reflect on where I have been and where I am going. Listen to the sounds coming my from Uncle's bagpipes, as well as the sounds of nature. At this moment I was at peace. There was nothing but happiness brought to me, nothing but confirmation that you are in the right place and nothing but solitude. I am a lover of scenery, but of scenery with water in it. Although there lays a small river through Scott's view, this was a view of trees and mountains. A view I became completely enthralled with during my time in Scotland.
This feeling of contentness also came about while driving through rolling hills and farmland of the borders. These roads go right through farmers field, are windy and full of sheep, however, they are absolutely stunning. For 99% of the time, it was just us and the sheep on the road, but what ever direction you looked in there was something to see, something to smile about. Mountains, water, sunshine, incredible views. At one point my Uncle said "Just wait until we get around this corner", we turned the corner and there was one of the most beautiful sites I have ever seen. I will never forget what I saw, or the breathtaking feeling it gave me.
From these two experiences, I have learned how to appreciate small things, and it really made me appreciate the view of my cottage, or downtown Oakville with the lake. You forget what you have in your backyard when it's always there, but when you see someone else's and as stunning as it may be, you remember what you get to look at everyday as well.
This journey was concluded with an adventure on the train home, which for the first time in my life, I did not plan step by step by step, but went with the flow. I loved it. But, as I continued on this journey, and arrived in Stevenage, I grabbed a taxi home, but I still felt like I was travelling, I was just coming to my next stop. Even as I unlocked my front door, came up the stairs and unlocked my bedroom door, I still had a feeling of being on tour, it wasn't until I got into bed at night, I got the feeling of this place being my home.
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