A Year in Review

2012 started off simple, quiet, and hanging out with those who are important to me. It also ended much the same way. However, what happened in between that time I don't even know if I have the words to express it. 

2012 was set up with high hopes from the moment I decided I wanted to be a teacher. 2012 meant the year that all my schooling was complete. I crossed that line from student to professional and was presented with that scary thought of entering the real world. 

As the year started, I didn't think too much of it. I was going through my day to day routines, nothing too exciting. But it all started with the acceptance letter for the South Africa practicum, then came the England interview, and then my car spun out on black ice and I crashed into a wall. 

That crash though, was much of a symbol of how my year progressed. And not in a bad way. But more the uncontrollable, adrenalin kind of way. Hitting the wall, my car had a little scrape and a popped out bumper. Nothing too serious, but enough change to be noticeable. 

Most people that meet me now don't believe me when I say I used to be shy, and used to be realllly shy. As I progressed through my placements last year, I could feel myself gain more confidence, and breaking out of that shell I had held onto so tightly for so many years.

Travelling to South Africa was really when I broke through this. Comparing South Africa to El Salvador, the trips were very similar. Same school environments, same student lifestyles, aspect of danger, etc. But comparing who I was when I went to El Salvador in 2010 to who I became in South Africa in 2012 became my own little story. And oddly enough, something that made the changes noticeable was the food. 

2012 definitely became a year of food for me. I ate Ostrich, Springbok, Crocodile, Warthog, Billatong, Haggis, Blood Pudding, and I'm sure there's a couple I'm forgetting. I was trying new things without any hesitation. Something of which used to be very unusual behaviour for me. 

Since my knee injury, I have let that get in the way of a lot of things. But, in Africa, despite my fear of heights and my knee, I climbed Lion's Head mountain.

These challenges and successes are all very symbolic of the past few years of my life, but in particular this past year. 2012 had very many ups and downs, but also a lot of discovery. 

I graduated teachers college and even Ryan Gosling was so proud he came to watch me walk across the stage (obviously not to watch his Mum), I travelled to South Africa, Amsterdam, Paris, Scotland and I moved to England. 

I have met some really amazing people and made some of the best of friends I have ever had, I also have met some really lame people, and I have rid some really horrible people from my life. All of these people however have had an impact on who I am starting 2013. 

2013 started much like 2012 did, quiet, relaxed, and time well spent with family. All that may have taken place in 2012 though feels much like the calm before the storm. 2013 is starting off right away with it's challenges, but it's also starting off with a lot of excitement. I can only imagine the amount of mountains I am going to have to climb this year. But I can't wait to get over each and every one of them. 

I am now back in England, and started back at school today. Thank goodness for no students because me and jet lag are fighting a vicious battle and well, I'm losing. We've moved into our new school building and it is really amazing. Hard to envision our students working in it, and hard to picture how my classroom is going to work without walls, but time will tell. 

I have soccer try outs tomorrow evening, I am beyond excited to start playing again. As well, I have signed up for a tough mudder in London in June. 

Next on the list is to start planning my trips, first holiday is in 6 weeks!

Having the 4 months away and coming back for the holidays really made me realize who I have become, who my real, great friends are how important my friends and family are. The challenges from last year and the ones I'm about to face this year would not seem so possible without them. As tough as stepping foot back on that plane may have been on Friday, as hard as it was to say goodbye again, I can't wait for everything that is going to happen this year!

Good Life

On my way home from the gym today one of my favourite songs came on shuffle on my iPod; Good Life by One Republic. I have listened to this song many times, belted it out with friends while driving to the beach, or listened to it to turn a frown upside down. But something caught my attention this time - the opening lines...

Woke up in London yesterday

Found myself in a city near Piccadilly 

Don't really know how I got here

I got some pictures on my phone

New names and numbers that I don't know

Addresses to places like Abbey Road

Day turns to night, night turns to whatever we want

We're young enough to say

These words describe everything that has been going on in my life the past three months. Everything has been so new, so different, so challenging, but so fun.

Last week I had one of the most incredible weeks and the happiness and excitement of where I am and what I am doing really clicked. We had our first British snow day, and what a delight that was looking out the window to see roughly an inch of snow, already melting. But the week continued to get better with one of the greatest moments I have had at my school, or probably any teaching experience I've had so far.

10 students out of 23 are away from school ill, it's a revision (studying) lesson, usually something pretty boring. But, given the snow day the day before, the huge lack of a class, I decided to make it a little more exciting. We had a snow ball fight - with paper. I told all students to write a question on their piece of paper, crumple it up into a ball, stand up, spread out, and maybe take cover. I had one student ask "Miss, what if I threw this at you?" To which, my response was "Not yet!" The moment I said "SNOW BALL FIIGHT!" I had thirteen students turn around and throw paper snow balls at me. 

Moments like that one are the moments I have been living for as a teacher. The moments that have been lacking at my school, but also back in September, moments I never thought I would have at this school. 

This week continued with something I have always wanted to do, it was a big dream come true and turned out even more amazing than I ever could have imagined. After all the years of watching the English Premier League on TV, I was finally in a stadium. The stadium to my favourite team; home of the gooners - Emirates Stadium. Being inside that stadium was like nothing I have ever experienced. The stadium was massive, but completely filled with fans and full of song. The constant chanting of "ARR-SEN-ALLL! ARR-SEN-ALLL!" had the same echoing feel as the vuvuzelas in South Africa. The cheers for the goals, the standing ovations for the substitutions. Such pride and a true sense of ownership is taken by the fans developing a complete respect and passion for the team and for the sport. The atmosphere at Toronto FC games may be fun, but most of that atmosphere is a party. The atmosphere here was an environment of passion and love of a sport and a specific team. It was incredible. (As well, the comments from the fans were actually knowledgable suggestions or remarks!) But, this experienced was peaked when Thierry Henry walked through my box. Henry is my all time soccer hero, a true legend and my absolute favourite. I saw him play in the MLS last year, and was lucky enough to see him score in that game. I thought that was an incredible moment. But when he was walking through, he passed me with only the width of the seat behind me, the wind from his walk blew my hair, I thought I had died and gone to heaven. My hero had just walked right beside me. As a friend of my Dad puts it "I went to heaven and saw God."

Life in England has made such a turn around since September, my life has made such a turn around since September. For once in my life I am beyond excited to come home. I have some of the most amazing friends at home and unfortunately it took me moving away to realize how great those friendships really are. But as the song continues...

Oh this has gotta be the good life

This has gotta be the good life

This could really be the good life, good life

Say oh, got this feeling you can't fight

Like this city is on fire tonight

This could really be a good life

A good, good life

Those words define exactly it. "Like this city is on fire tonight." I am travelling, I moved to some where on the other side of the world, doing what I want to do in a city full of excitement. 

To my friends in New York, I say hello

My friends in L.A., they don't know

Where I've been for the past few years or so

From Paris to China to Colorado

Sometimes there's airplanes I can't jump out

Sometimes there's bullshit that don't work now

We all got our stories

But tell me what is there to complain about

In September I wasn't sure how long I would stay here for. Some of the fights with "friends" that were triggered by me moving away were heart breaking. Being away from my Mum when she was sick was extremely challenging. But as the song says "We all got our stories, But tell me what is there to complain about." (This is a particularly refreshing lyric, because boy do British people complain, or as they say, "winge")

When you're happy like a fool

Let it take you over

When everything is out

You gotta take it in

This is the good life, and with the holidays quickly approaching I hope everyone realizes that and has very, very happy holidays. Enjoy the music video and listen to rest of the worlds, they truly are great. Thank you to everyone who have been reading my updates at home and all over the world. Enjoy the good life and see you all very soon (9 days!!)

A Walk Along the Ocean

I don't know what it is, but there is just something so relaxing, mind settling, peace keeping about walking along the ocean. And after some crazy couple of weeks, this was perfect. A perfect battery recharge and a final push for the next three weeks before the holidays.
I had Friday off of school, so for my long weekend I visited my godmother, Louise. I spent Friday wandering on my own, walking through many different small towns, up and down the high streets, taking pictures. It was on my way to Banstead that although, not a history buff, one of the things I love most about England is it's hidden treasures. I am came out of a footpath, I was sidetracked by this old church and a graveyard that was full of the above ground graves. As much as cemeteries creep me out, I was awe struck by the history and the beauty of this one. I wandered around looking at the stones, becoming emotional at the age of some of the people or the families buried together.
My godmother and I have a very quiet relationship, in that not much talking goes on, but we both enjoy each others company and the small conversations that do take place. As we walked from one side of the Brighton seaside to the other side, we walked beside each other, pointing out the beautiful buildings and sights, but mostly in silence, taking in each moment and the beautiful surroundings.
Brighton is a gorgeous town, directly on the ocean. It is known as the San Francisco of England, but is nice in that is has a very open culture. Although extremely busy, it also a very calm place, and busy without the hustle and bustle of London. There is so much to do and look at, and although it was absolutely freezing, it was still a beautiful weekend there. However, can't wait to go back in the summer!
As a child I loved the Little Mermaid, and was deeply interested in sea life, particularly Whales and Dolphins. I think in my past life I must have been one of the two because the ocean still holds a heavy portion of my heart. During the stresses of this year it is my whale music that calms me. Maybe an embarrassing fact to share, but there is just something about it that eases me. It is what I listen to when my mind won't stop working. And that is exactly how I felt this weekend. Waves crashing, seagulls chirping, kids laughing - the beach is where I belong and this visit has only just confirmed my plans to move coastal for next year.
While in this state of solitude I started to think about my journey in the past three months. The ups, the downs, the greats and the horribles. I signed up for an adventure, but had no idea what that entailed.
A part of travelling that I love is the changes it leaves on you as a person, the impact a place has on developing you as a character. Heading into El Salvador and South Africa I knew the challenges I was going to be confronted with, I had an expectation of the impact these places would leave on me. I knew my teaching practice would improve and I would learn all kinds about school, but I did not expect such big personal changes in such a short time.
It's hard to believe that in three months, I went from thinking this was the worst life decision I have ever made and wanting to come home, to absolutely loving working at this school, being a maths and science teacher, to a science and cover teacher, to a science, cover and PE teacher and now the most recent science, maths and cover teacher. Being away from my Mum when one minute she's cancer free and the next she has cancer to a one month later when she could possibly be cancer free once again. From the stories I hear of my students, or the craziness of my coworkers. To now getting ready to move an entire school. All of these have become a part of my life story. A story I wanted to write a new chapter by moving here.
Part of my coming here was an escape from my hometown, a runaway from a horrible relationship and a time to figure everything out; myself, who I want to be and what I want to do, and without the suffocating aura of Oakville drama.
Moving here I felt the distance, but immediately something was lifted off of my shoulders. There was no one to impress, no one to pretend to be; it was just me. Some sort of freedom took over and I could breath clear once again. A sense of pride in myself and an invitation to fully express who I am was extended.
At home, everyone has watched me transform from a very timid, young girl to an adventurous, outgoing young lady. But coming to England, I was still very unsure of myself as a person. I knew what I wanted to do, but I didn't know who I wanted to be. I was trapped in this people pleasing body, but not happy about it. For far too long it has lead me to heart break, it has gotten me lost, and resulted in the loss of many good friends.
When I first found out about the day I was coming home I was only telling specific people, only the people I wanted to know and to see. But as I did this, I felt myself slipping back into hiding. I found myself retreating, back to who I was before I came here and letting myself be controlled by Oakville and the people within it once again.
As I walked along the beach in Brighton, I was thinking about this journey and where I have ended up. A sense of confidence in myself took over. A sense of accomplishment brought smiles to my face. I am doing what I want to do, I am where I want to be and I am here for my own reasons, not having some unknown power control me. I am no longer in hiding. I have made it public knowledge when I will be home, and I am not afraid of who knows or who I see when I am home. I finally have a sense of freedom and can breath easy. Enough of the madness, move on, and conquer the world.

Networks

I've been starring at a blank page for a couple of weeks now, I've written 3 or 4 posts and instead of clicking publish, I click delete. I keep going over the events and the stories since my last update and have no idea where to begin or where I go from there.
I have had these first couple of sentences written for about three hours, write some more and delete it. I don't know if this writer's block is a side effect of exhaustion, or a feeling of helplessness that rests inside me, or a fact that writing something seems to make it more real.
As I've been attempting to write though, I've been talking to friends and family on various social media outlets. This got me thinking about networks and the benefit they can have.
When talking about networks, you typically jump to the ever popular social networking, or next in line, business networking, but what often gets forgotten about is the network of family.
As close as I am with my family, I've never really been a home body, and in this time away, I haven't really missed home. That is until the passed couple of weeks.
November 4th, my life changed when my Mum, my best friend, told me she had cancer. At that moment, life in England came to a stand still, but my Mum's support system grew. It was incredible to watch and be a part of a team that developed over night to support one cause. It's amazing how people rise to an occasion. This support system infused in my Mother a positive attitude and enabled her to go into the surgery strong and come out of the hospital in record time.
As hard as it was for me to be away from this, or have my Mum tell me she's been cooking all week and I wasn't there to help, seeing the support from everyone else, left me knowing that she was in good hands. This moment united my family as one army, and it became a family battle against the cancer.
Being so far away, definitely made me miss home, and miss my friends. For the first time I felt alone here. I had coworkers to talk to, but I didn't have that friend to take you out, or come over with some ice cream.
This had me thinking about my students as well. In the past couple of weeks I have developed bonds with some of my students that I am now their go to person, someone they confide in. Stories I am hearing from students are things I have never ever expected to hear as a teacher, or be trying to handle these specific situations. But it makes me wonder, my Mum has a support team of about 30 people behind her, these students have me. In order for them to be strong, I must remain strong, but I am currently feeling defeated, and completely helpless. I don't know where to go next.
The past couple of weeks for me have been sleepless, had their ups and downs, a little more drama than necessary, and a brain running like a hamster wheel, but in the end everything has worked out.
During my struggles at the beginning of the school year, a good friend sent me an image with a quote on it that read "Like photography, life develops from the negatives."
The storm is over, my Mum is an absolute trooper and on the mend, and my hard work at school has been rewarded. It's time to start looking at the pictures.
I had my second observation this week, and I could not be happier with how it went. After my first one I was prepared to walk out of this school and never look back. I've been working hard, and a set a goal of a mark I wanted and got that goal. For a keener like me, a grade of satisfactory may not seem very good, but, coming from an inadequate, and the conditions in this school, I could not be happier. Ultimately, I want a "good" grade, but it's one level at a time and I have 4 more observations to go for this year.
From this work though, I was praised with a note from agency, passing along a message from my Headmaster who is extremely impressed with my work!
There always is a bright light at the end of every dark tunnel, good things do come. My family is closer than ever, my Mum is doing incredible, and I am home in 4 weeks!
Next step, getting over this road bump in my student's case and figuring out the solution.

Scenery and Stories

There's a difference between travelling and being a tourist and I never really noticed until this past week. My previous journeys, I have travelled in groups and been with like minded people. I have been enveloped in the culture and lifestyle of the places I have gone. But what I was forgetting about those experiences is that my tours were private. I travelled with the group I was with.

I spent the first couple of days of my half term in Edinburgh being a tourist. I went on tours of specific attractions - Loch Lomond and Loch Ness. On these tours I ran into all kinds of people, all kinds of annoying people. Tourists are the most selfish, absorbed in their own world kind of people. 

A couple weeks ago I was having a conversation at work about young people and how they think they're so worldly and cultured. The conversation was started by a coworker saying that I am not like this, but I am someone that rightfully could be. I learned first hand exactly what was meant by this when a fellow tour mate kept talking about the places she has been and the places she wants to go. What she could not tell  you though was what she learned, what she had experienced, what she gained from travelling to those places. 

This particular person made me reflect on how I am on my journeys, am I a tourist or a traveller? 

I think the key difference between the two is the immersement into culture. As a tourist you are there to see the popular sites, take some photographs and on to the next site of popularity. As a traveller you are there to learn and to experience. You take in the culture, try the foods, hear the stories. From this, I can happily say, I consider myself to be a traveller.

When I came back from South Africa, I wrote a reflection piece about story telling. All of my students had stories, good stories, tragic stories, didn't matter what kind, they had stories. I wrote of the importance, particularly as a teacher to hear those stories. But, when I was writing that piece, I wasn't thinking of myself as a person, I was thinking just as a teacher, and I never stopped to think if I had my own stories.

My next few days in Scotland were spent meeting family first the first time. This was a wonderful experience and meant more to me than words can probably express. I got to hear all of the stories of my past. And not just wee ones about who family are, but stories full of history, bringing me back to my roots. Not only did I get to hear these stories, I got to meet the people, see photographs and see the sites. There was so much family history I had no idea about, so many things my roots were involved in developing and creating, things that are still around today. My new favourite candy is something called a Hawick Ball. Hawick is the town my family grew up in, where they still reside and where I visited for a couple of days. A lady by the name of Aggie Lamb created the recipe for these candies, and she is a Great Great Great Granny of mine. 

I had a teacher last year, after her grandmother had passed away, explain to us the wonderful experience she had hearing and recording her grandmother's stories. At that time I didn't fully grasp what she was talking about. Not until I heard the stories of various extensions of family. 

I started my half term meeting family for the first time, knowing very little, and ending it a couple days later feeling like I have known them for years, and can definitely call them family.

By spending time with my family, I was able to experience the traditional culture and food. I tried Haggis and Black Pudding, both of which are absolutely delicious, also drank a lot of Irn Bru. On top of the adventurous foods, I learned a whole new language, from each part of Scotland I visited. 

Overall, I had two absolute favourite parts. The first was stopping at Scott's View. Scott's view was a spot favourited by a famous writer, his thinking spot. As I stood there taking in the scenery, the incredible colours of the Autumn trees, snapping photos, my Uncle began to play the bagpipes. For the first time, I didn't want to take pictures of what I was seeing. Instead, all I could do was sit there and take in the moment, reflect on where I have been and where I am going. Listen to the sounds coming my from Uncle's bagpipes, as well as the sounds of nature. At this moment I was at peace. There was nothing but happiness brought to me, nothing but confirmation that you are in the right place and nothing but solitude. I am a lover of scenery, but of scenery with water in it. Although there lays a small river through Scott's view, this was a view of trees and mountains. A view I became completely enthralled with during my time in Scotland. 

This feeling of contentness also came about while driving through rolling hills and farmland of the borders. These roads go right through farmers field, are windy and full of sheep, however, they are absolutely stunning. For 99% of the time, it was just us and the sheep on the road, but what ever direction you looked in there was something to see, something to smile about. Mountains, water, sunshine, incredible views. At one point my Uncle said "Just wait until we get around this corner", we turned the corner and there was one of the most beautiful sites I have ever seen. I will never forget what I saw, or the breathtaking feeling it gave me.

From these two experiences, I have learned how to appreciate small things, and it really made me appreciate the view of my cottage, or downtown Oakville with the lake. You forget what you have in your backyard when it's always there, but when you see someone else's and as stunning as it may be, you remember what you get to look at everyday as well. 

This journey was concluded with an adventure on the train home, which for the first time in my life, I did not plan step by step by step, but went with the flow. I loved it. But, as I continued on this journey, and arrived in Stevenage, I grabbed a taxi home, but I still felt like I was travelling, I was just coming to my next stop. Even as I unlocked my front door, came up the stairs and unlocked my bedroom door, I still had a feeling of being on tour, it wasn't until I got into bed at night, I got the feeling of this place being my home.

The Lines of Your Hand

This morning I found myself smiling for no reason at all. As headed on my way to town, running shoes on, music playing, sun not shining, but it wasn't raining - I was in my own little world. I was so much in my own world it took me ten minutes to realize I was going the wrong direction, but once I realized I still didn't care. I was in no rush, I was just walking to town. It was that moment though, realizing I was I was lost, when it hit me. Even though school is hard work, I'm not with my best friends and missing them loads, I am happy. I am enjoying life. I have known for a while that I happy here, I absolutely love being here, but I had never really processed that or thought much about it.
Yesterday I had my palm read and I think that may have something to do with it. As I waited in line to get my palm read I began to get more and more nervous, thinking about where I am now in life, choices I have made, big or small, relationships, my health, everything came rushing back as well as a fear of the future. What if he tells me something I don't want to know? As I sat down in the chair and he said "Give me your right hand" all of that went away. I was committed and there's no going back. He explained all of the lines on my hands through life length and health, love (relationships, marriage and future husband), life goals, personality, everything. A big sigh of relief came from my life line. He said it is very deep, very solid and very long. This means I will have a long healthy life. There are no breaks and no crosses through it. As the time for my next set of tests approaches, my overactive mind does it thing and stirs up a lot of imagination. To hear him say you won't have any health problems seemed much more assuring than my doctors words this summer.
It was rather freaky, but also confirming how accurate he was in terms of lifestyle aspects. He was amazed by how many travel lines I have on my hand. I have 10 and as he repeated numerous times, the average person has 3. So when they say travelling is in my blood, or it is a part of me, it really is and it is something I will continue to do - for a long as my life line runs.
Shockingly enough, and the only point I had doubts was when he said I have lots of luck in terms of love. I asked him if that was "starting now?" But my husband is supposed to be some sort of triple threat. So we'll see. Maybe this chase for Prince Harry will pan out?
I continued my day with a friend from home, just wandering the streets of London. On my way home, and because of specific rail closures, had to make the most convoluted route back to Kings Cross I made friends with people on the underground and really got that feeling of "I am a local, this is where I live and this is my home."
I don't know if having my palm read and having some stranger confirm things I already knew about myself makes things more official, but I feel like a different person today.
I also find myself constantly looking back at the lines and thinking about what this man said to me. Scientifically speaking, the lines on your hand represent your identify, a unique code, but now, more than ever, they truly do represent my life, my personality, my journey.

Right Place

Week one on the "new" job almost complete and what a week it was. Important week for the school in terms of it's development and future, but an exciting, busy, educational week it was for me.

On Wednesday I got to spend the day with a lovely lady who observed a couple of lessons, helped me plan a couple more and then observed again. She was full of positive feedback and great suggestions to make things go even better. Although students are challenging in England (probably a HUGE generalization), the teacher support is phenomenal here. I have a Science specific mentor, I have a professional mentor, I have an overall teaching development mentor, I have a rant buddy in the school, and I also get to be involved in the teacher training program here which means I attend a lot more meetings, but full of excellent professional development. It is a lot of information coming from so many directions, but everyone is more than helpful and it's the support system built that really makes things smooth sailing.

Besides all of that, something great happened this week. With my added role of cover teacher I now get to explore other areas of the school other than just the dungeon of the Science corridor. As I was heading up to one my classes, I noticed something painted on the wall.

"A journey of a thousand miles begins with a single step" - Lao Tzu

It was that moment that I knew I was in the right place. There is a reason that I was selected to be at this school and it is something much larger than it's a sports school and I like sports. I was brought here to teach and to learn. So far, I have done both and it's only getting better. My bad days at school are now limited. I have had nothing but gratifying comments from my past students in my Maths classes. It may not have seem like they appreciated me or what I had to offer very much, but 5 weeks later, and I'm no longer their teacher, it shows. Everything has come together this week. Everything I was hoping for in the first couple of weeks is now happening. 

I find my confidence coming back daily. I had it, was hit by an unexpected force and now I'm getting back up. The cover lesson provide an exciting experience for a bit of trial and error. I have been given targets of what to work on, being in a cover lesson is a great place to try something new. 

There's been times where some of the advice or feedback I have been given were comments about my personality. However, I really don't think my personality has had a chance to come through. I am fully adjusted, I know what to expect of the students, I know how to react to the students, I have friends at school even to the point of already playing jokes on people. I just feel my personality coming out now. I feel like I am finally experiencing this adventure. I am ready for whatever happens next. 

I have been able to joke around with students in classes, in the corridors, on duty, I have finally been able to laugh and genuinely smile in class. I have had a good time in all of my classes this week and I am excited for next week!

Although unusual coming from an extreme optimist, I do know too, that although this week was great, that drive up the bumpy road is not over yet. There are still more hills to climb over, twists, turns and unstable ground to go over, but in the end, it's all worth it. I can't wait!

As for the personal life, I have signed up for an online photography course, so you all can expect lots more pictures soon! A whole group of mixed groups are going out tomorrow, all people my age too, so that will be nice, I am on the hunt for a football team and planning a trip to Scotland for half term which is in two weeks!