Today was one of those run home crying, call mum and tell her I'm coming home kind of days. Definitely the lowest of lows in any teaching, coaching, working with kids experience. The kids are that awful that yes, they do make you want to cry. But the tears are a sign of a frustration. Most of my frustration is actually coming from the school itself. I've had some time to process and reflect on the school behaviour management system and see it in full action today.
I have realized that the school is 100% aware of the behaviour of their students. They know of those particular students with extensive histories, and those who are there to learn. Unfortunately, at least in my world in the school, the misbehaved are the majority. Due to this fact, the school has set itself into combat mood. However, they are the ones prepared for an ambush, not the ones ready to take the battle field.
The school has set up an environment conducive to misbehaviour, and the school is stuck in this awful whirlwind of a reactive approach. Detentions are handed out like candy on halloween at this school, and if you don't show up, or continue to get detentions they only just get longer, and they just keep getting longer. I remember as a student getting detention once in my life. I was absolutely mortified by the fact. Here, detention is common thing, it has lost it's affect as a consequence for bad behaviour. I had a student handed a detention a notice from one of her other teachers, and the student ripped up the notice in the face of the teacher.
The school has also developed this wonderful system known as "on call." Each class is based on one computer program, it schedules the teachers day and provides all information needed about the students. It is also where the register (attendance) is taken, and the location of this on call button. This button is like someone hitting the code blue button in a hospital because someone is flat lining, but it is for bad behaviour. What is supposed to happen when the button is clicked is someone from senior staff is then supposed to come to class. Their role is either to step in and control the class or remove the misbehaving students. However, when my TA clicked that lovely button today, no one came. Thanks for the help team!
This made me notice the reactive nature of the school. The school has succumbed to the student behaviour, they believe they are dealing with because of these systems in place, but really they are escalating the problem.
I have grown up in, and studied the proactive approach. The proactive approach is what I know, and very apparently is what works. However, the proactive approach is what I have started my year off, and it is not working with this group of students. I asked a fellow teacher for advice today and remarks were "Just be more strict." Funny enough, we had just finished a professional development session on providing quality feedback. To me, what is more strict? What is the schools expectation of strict? At REd (my agency), I was hired based on my personality. My personality isn't hard to read, I'm sure they noticed I do not have a strict personality. So when the teachers tell me to be more strict I find myself more lost. I did not come here to change my personality and be someone I am not. I came here to express who I am, share who I am, and teach some kids and hopefully leave a little of my personality behind with them.
I am a dreamer and I dream of changing the world. This is where the frustration and tears come in. I can't even begin my lessons before I have to tell someone to stop talking, stop throwing things, get off the desk, etc. I currently feel like a glorified babysitter, with a nice raspy voice (I'm starting to lose it). Freedom writers is one of absolute favourite movies - I've dreamed of having hard classes, but I've dreamed of reaching out to them. I know in 5 days nothing is going to happen, but when they start moving backwards and I can't even get enough time in to say hello, it becomes frustrating.
Unfortunately, for those who got excited, I have not quit and I am not coming home. I am not a quitter. I just kind of feel like I'm back playing for the Oakville ICE and riding the bench for a little while. But, great things came after that team, so I'm sure they're going to come. From the way fellow teachers talk about these students, they've lost hope. I will not lose hope, and if I can teach one thing to these students this year I hope they will keep fighting too. Tomorrow is a new day!
As a side note - I have been nominated to coach the women's football (soccer) team. I have also been told about a Stevenage Women's Football team, a team in similar level to league I played on with the Toronto Lady Lynx and it has been suggested I contact them. I am currently in debate as travelling around this town without a vehicle is not ideal, but I would love to play again! I have also joined the Staff Health and Wellness committee which is responsible for healthy practices of the staff and coordinates events such as staff intramurals and use of the incredible fitness facilities. I am slowly working my way into the physical education world and getting myself back into what I love to do!
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