A Single Step

It seems as though I take one step forwards and two backwards. I had refocused my attentions, gained a new perspective on things and was ready to go into battle. But this week, just as I was ready to charge it felt like I got stiff armed and knocked straight to the ground. I got knocked down hard.

I find myself looking for the small things in particular classes, in the school itself, pinpointing positives out of each day. Some days, sadly enough, even for an optimist like me it is hard. As hard as it may be though it all still comes down to attitude. Attitude can make or break you and the way you live your life. Even in the worst of times a little adjustment and you are bound to find something to smile about. Sometimes you just need a reminder.

Today I was passing along the link to my blog to a former teacher of mine who was asking about my time in England. I don't check the main page too often as most of my time is spent on the composing interface. But when I opened my blog I noticed the quote I have at the top. This has been a favourite quote of mine for a long time, ever since I got it in a fortune cookie.

"A journey of a thousand miles begins with a single step." - Lao Tzu

When I put that quote on my blog I was thinking of moving to England to teach as my single step to my journey of teaching. What I forgot about was the small trips that need to take place within that journey. Each day, there are baby steps that take place in my classes, that is the single step on my students' journey. Continued professional development is a part of my continued journey. There are single steps being taken everywhere. Somedays you just have to look a little harder for them.

No doubt this is the most challenging experience I have gone through. There has been lots of tears, but there has also been lots of smiles. 

A pedagogical tool often used in teaching, scaffolding, is building up to the bigger picture. It's time I narrow my search, and start scaffolding my dreams. The big picture isn't painted in one night, but in little sections for many nights.

I had a good lesson with one of my most challenging classes today. A lot of other things also went on, but the take home piece is the good lesson. For the rest of the stuff, tomorrow is a new day. 

Rest Up

For those who know me, know I have the worst immune system and get sick quite often. This weekend was well spent wrapped up my Snuggie, bundled in bed, with a couple extra blankets. Didn't see anyone, haven't spoken to anyone (although, even if I wanted to I couldn't. No voice either). 

On Friday I started with somewhat of a voice, sounding like a pre-pubescent thirteen year old boy, to by the end not even having a whisper. Luckily for my maths classes I have a TA that was able to facilitate the lessons for me. However, my science class - with my troublesome 9s was quite interesting. But, I made it through the day and think I may have even broke some ground with a couple of stickler students.

The weather yesterday was beautiful, although a little chilly, very sunny. Instead of my normal weekend explorations though, I enjoyed a couple of movies and catching up on some TV and much needed sleep. The highlight of my day however, was grocery shopping. I was desperate for food, cupboard and fridge were completely empty. I also know my body quite well and knew I needed to get to the health store to restart the vitamin regime I was on before I left. Accept, on the verge of sinus and ear infection with a fever, I was obviously not up for the 45 minute walk to town. Luckily, the only thing technologically advanced in this country - I can grocery shop online. I probably spent 2 hours shopping through a Walmart partner store called ASDA. Looking at groceries, looking at things for my room, school supplies, etc. I got a mattress topper so I don't feel the springs poking me anymore and finally some decent pillows! Exciting weekend, right?!

I really did miss exploring, I look forward to my weekends and planning adventures is my saving grace during the week. However, I know my body pretty well, and with all the health issues I've already had this year, I've finally learned my lesson of when you need to rest. So in my rest, I am now planning a trip to Greece for a week during half term at the end of October. It is somewhere I have always wanted to go, so figured I'd plan it first to make sure I get there. Have also found some great weekend deals on Groupon, like one to Venice, so plenty of exciting times to come!

It's now almost noon on Sunday, my groceries arrived this morning! So I have food, and lots of really delicious foods and great fresh stuff! Tonight for dinner though will be another bowl of chicken noodle soup, or maybe mashed potatoes. So much for the cooking I've been enjoying. I was supposed to play soccer today, but it is now pouring rain outside, so I think it's going to be another day spent in this nice beige box. My voice is back, so that's a step in the right direction and hopefully tomorrow I will be as good as new, just in time for another week ahead.

The Bumpy Road

The more I work at the school, the more accustomed I become to their systems and the way things work (thank goodness!). I see pros and cons to the way things are done, but just find myself acting like a sponge, continually soaking things in.

Coming in as an outsider to anything always provides an opportunity for an interesting perspective. Here, it is a completely new education system, new school managerial system, everything is new. I am continually learning, but also continually comparing. This is why I love teaching abroad so much. There is so much everyone can learn from each other. Having a few vastly different experiences opens my eyes to so many possibilities, so many opportunities, and takes me a wonderful journey of learning. I have seen the good, the bad, the ugly and the wonderful whether it be in Canada, El Salvador, South Africa or England (and growing...).

Being in a place for a short term, such as one year, has provided me with some new opportunities. Opportunities I didn't really realize until this week.

I still have a dream of changing the world, and I am not throwing that out the window, but what I have realized is, is that I am still on the pathway to that dream, I am not there yet. In El Salvador, one of the schools visited we travelled down this dirt road, extremely bumpy, steep hills, only our master driver Pedro could get through there. We were all very nervous in the car, but when we arrived we were showered with joy. I had the vision of that joy coming immediately in my mind. What I was forgetting was the bumpy road it took to get there.

This week I had two observations, one ministry affiliated observer to improve the maths department in the school and one by my mentor in the school. Both lessons went great. All positive feedback. The best part however, is the support these two are offering. They know the challenge of my students and the population I deal with day in and day out. They also understand I am not teaching my subjects, I am learning a new system, and there is a lot going on right now. They are here to coach me through this process.

When I was 10 I moved to Oakville, joined the competitive soccer (football) world and played for a great team, great coaches. The following summer, I got cut from the team. I was shattered. When leaving Brantford everyone told me of the future for soccer it would bring me. That future had been stopped. But only momentarily. This is when I joined the Bryst academy. I trained, and I trained hard. I learned as much as I could and practiced non stop. Eventually, I was brought great success in the soccer world, reaching pinnacle moments I never thought possible. Right now, I am training, I am practicing. With the help of these mentors/coaches I am on the path to becoming that teacher I dream of being. The practice is intense and challenging, but if I had quit when I got cut from the Sting, I would not be standing where I am today.

No doubt these students are hard to handle, no doubt there will be good days and there will be bad days, but I am ready for it. I survived another week, I did hand out my first, second and third detention this week. But I also had a student come to me to ask me to mark his double side page of algebra work he decided to do when he was bored.

Learning is a never ending process. Life as a student may be over, but I am only just beginning my journey of life long learning.

Imagine

This week was like riding one of the wooden roller coasters at Wonderland; a little rocky, a little extra scary, feels like everything might collapse anytime, but really you know you're going to be okay. This week was filled with more emotions than I ever anticipated happening in my first week of teaching. Frustration, sadness, anger were common feelings, but also plenty moments of happiness, achievement, pride. It is just unfortunate that these happier spirits are overshadowed by the negative.

Although I've been complaining about the amount of "me time" available and the harm you can do to yourself when you think too much, "me time" is exactly what I needed this weekend. I needed sometime to reflect on this week, reflect on the path that has brought me here, reflect on my knowledge and confidence as an educator and take the time to gain that all back.

I set out to London, by myself with just me and my camera. My goal for the day was just to get lost and take pictures. I enjoyed small streets, taking convoluted routes to get to places. These streets were much quieter, typically I found just myself walking them. I saw all sorts of eras of architecture, little communities within London, quiet neighbourhoods. As I walked through these streets I enjoyed a small cafe lunch, and came across my first landmark - St. Paul's Cathedral.

In grade 12, I visited London and all of the sites, did all of the touristy things and really had no interest in doing them again. As I approached St. Paul's Cathedral, I saw things a whole new way. Architecture really isn't anything of interest for me, but something was different this time. I immediately grabbed my camera and just got lost in my own world.

As I was at the Cathedral I got approached by one of the Hop On, Hop Off bus tours guys. I went completely against my plan for the day and decided to purchase one the tours. I became curious as to if everything else would have this same feeling of different.

I got on the bus, knowing the places I wanted to hit, planned out my route and my stops. I never got off. As I sat on the top of the bus, sun beating down, wind in my face, the classical music playing through the tour speakers I found myself at a complete peace. I found myself relaxed. I found myself in my own world, just enjoying a new place. A feeling of pure bliss took over as I just explored a new city, taking pictures of whatever caught my eye.

While I was in this state, I wasn't thinking about my students, rather about why I wanted to become a teacher. About my moments in South Africa and El Salvador. An El Salvador student popped into my mind, Roberto, and the impact we left on each others lives. As this moment is bringing my teaching back to life we pass by John Lennon's house. For those of you that don't know, Imagine is my all time favourite song and favourite word. The music played through my head, and I was reminded of all my hopes and dreams I carry for my future students. I left London at peace.

After London, it was time for a night out with the roommates, just me and the guys. They invited some old roommates and friends, so I invited the other Canadians. There was a good mix of people. We started out at the local pub, which to my surprise closes at 12. After that we ventured to a club called Chicagos. They were quite embarrassed about this club, but really it looked no different than any in St. Catharines (but, that could be because the age gap in my house is 21-40). We all had a great time and I really think it broke the ice in our house. Once we got home, we sat in the kitchen and talked. Slowly the numbers dwindled down until it was two of us. This conversation turned onto the education system here and student population. It was at this moment (no matter how many pops we had to drink) that I realized I am making a difference. I am doing what I have a dreamed of. My roommate who has 14 year old daughter, told me how inspired he is by my attitude towards life and education and helping these children. He told me what I do is truly admirable and spoke the impact his teachers had on him who had attitudes like mine. Those words were the icing on the cake after my day in London. This guy has known me two weeks, and we've hung out once, and that is the impression I have left. No matter how difficult these children are, perseverance was created for a reason. One day these students will be remembering me.

Just imagine.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=DCX3ZNDZAwY

Ps. I will post a link to my pictures soon, just sorting and editing them now.

Proactive vs. Reactive

Today was one of those run home crying, call mum and tell her I'm coming home kind of days. Definitely the lowest of lows in any teaching, coaching, working with kids experience. The kids are that awful that yes, they do make you want to cry. But the tears are a sign of a frustration. Most of my frustration is actually coming from the school itself. I've had some time to process and reflect on the school behaviour management system and see it in full action today.

I have realized that the school is 100% aware of the behaviour of their students. They know of those particular students with extensive histories, and those who are there to learn. Unfortunately, at least in my world in the school, the misbehaved are the majority. Due to this fact, the school has set itself into combat mood. However, they are the ones prepared for an ambush, not the ones ready to take the battle field.

The school has set up an environment conducive to misbehaviour, and the school is stuck in this awful whirlwind of a reactive approach. Detentions are handed out like candy on halloween at this school, and if you don't show up, or continue to get detentions they only just get longer, and they just keep getting longer. I remember as a student getting detention once in my life. I was absolutely mortified by the fact. Here, detention is common thing, it has lost it's affect as a consequence for bad behaviour. I had a student handed a detention a notice from one of her other teachers, and the student ripped up the notice in the face of the teacher.

The school has also developed this wonderful system known as "on call." Each class is based on one computer program, it schedules the teachers day and provides all information needed about the students. It is also where the register (attendance) is taken, and the location of this on call button. This button is like someone hitting the code blue button in a hospital because someone is flat lining, but it is for bad behaviour. What is supposed to happen when the button is clicked is someone from senior staff is then supposed to come to class. Their role is either to step in and control the class or remove the misbehaving students. However, when my TA clicked that lovely button today, no one came. Thanks for the help team!

This made me notice the reactive nature of the school. The school has succumbed to the student behaviour, they believe they are dealing with because of these systems in place, but really they are escalating the problem.

I have grown up in, and studied the proactive approach. The proactive approach is what I know, and very apparently is what works. However, the proactive approach is what I have started my year off, and it is not working with this group of students. I asked a fellow teacher for advice today and remarks were "Just be more strict." Funny enough, we had just finished a professional development session on providing quality feedback. To me, what is more strict? What is the schools expectation of strict? At REd (my agency), I was hired based on my personality. My personality isn't hard to read, I'm sure they noticed I do not have a strict personality. So when the teachers tell me to be more strict I find myself more lost. I did not come here to change my personality and be someone I am not. I came here to express who I am, share who I am, and teach some kids and hopefully leave a little of my personality behind with them.

I am a dreamer and I dream of changing the world. This is where the frustration and tears come in. I can't even begin my lessons before I have to tell someone to stop talking, stop throwing things, get off the desk, etc. I currently feel like a glorified babysitter, with a nice raspy voice (I'm starting to lose it). Freedom writers is one of absolute favourite movies - I've dreamed of having hard classes, but I've dreamed of reaching out to them. I know in 5 days nothing is going to happen, but when they start moving backwards and I can't even get enough time in to say hello, it becomes frustrating.

Unfortunately, for those who got excited, I have not quit and I am not coming home. I am not a quitter. I just kind of feel like I'm back playing for the Oakville ICE and riding the bench for a little while. But, great things came after that team, so I'm sure they're going to come. From the way fellow teachers talk about these students, they've lost hope. I will not lose hope, and if I can teach one thing to these students this year I hope they will keep fighting too. Tomorrow is a new day!

As a side note - I have been nominated to coach the women's football (soccer) team. I have also been told about a Stevenage Women's Football team, a team in similar level to league I played on with the Toronto Lady Lynx and it has been suggested I contact them. I am currently in debate as travelling around this town without a vehicle is not ideal, but I would love to play again! I have also joined the Staff Health and Wellness committee which is responsible for healthy practices of the staff and coordinates events such as staff intramurals and use of the incredible fitness facilities. I am slowly working my way into the physical education world and getting myself back into what I love to do!

First Week of School

So my first week as a teacher is complete and my first week as a teacher has already included many highs and lows.

For as long as I can remember I've dreamt about and planned my life out to be a teacher. With that aspiration, I've carried along the vision of what teaching would be like. I've thought about what kind of teacher I would like to be. I've set expectations for myself, for the role as a teacher and for the schools I work in. I think some of the low moments this week may have been a result of those expectations.

When choosing a career, you chose that pathway because it is something you enjoy, something you have a passion for, something you see positively. When I dreamt about being a teacher, I never dreamt about the hard days, the hard classes, or the types of students I would have. I dreamt about the success, the feeling I get helping children, especially in their light bulb moments. I've dreamt about changing the world, but never really the process of getting there.

In the span of two hours I had one student tell me she hates me, she'll never like me and she hopes I have a terrible weekend. In the next class, in which we both walked down the hall together to, at the end of that class she tells me I'm the best and nicest new teacher at the school. I don't know if she dislikes math and loves science and that's why she had the change of heart, but that moment affected me as a teacher.

The "I hate you" is something you're bound to hear as a teacher, but it wasn't something I thought I would hear in my first week of teaching. It was something I was very unprepared for. Something that caught me off guard. I simply responded with "I hope you have a great weekend, x." Maybe that response was the cause for her change of heart. I will never know. But it was definitely a big learning moment for me.

I am teaching lower level classes, similar to the applied levels in the Canadian high school system. The students in these classes cannot read, do not want to be in school, have specific behaviour or emotional needs, as well as special needs students. I have never felt so challenged in my life. Each day is new day, taking on a new approach to reach this audience of varying needs. Unfortunately, to add to that challenge, the school system is very limiting. Lessons were all planned in the summer, teachers are simply there to facilitate. However, differentiation was only taken into small account. Today I wandered about the "Pound Land" to see what I can use as manipulatives. We will see how pieces of Lego and the incorporation of math centres work with this population. Fingers crossed for when I see them on Tuesday!

Initially, I felt very defeated and exhausted. Thursday and Friday I barely enjoyed myself in something I love to do; something I have planned on doing my entire life. I was let down by myself, by my expectations, my students and the school. After a day, having some more time to think and reflecting on the week, I have taken note of the challenge. I have reached out to connections, researched and accessed resources for different approaches, techniques, etc. I have now regained hope and the competitive side of me has kicked in. These students may be my rival team that have won the game on my home field a couple of times, but I am not going to lose again. The game is on.

As for my life here, I am absolutely loving it. This week has been absolutely beautiful, 25 and sunny all week. I really enjoy the walking around, through all of the parks. My feet are only getting more blistered, and I have a toe infection in both of my big toes. It's pretty gross, but it's from breaking my toes about a month ago during soccer. The nails finally came off, and well the break was worse than I thought. Just to add the wonderful pages of the story of my health this year.

Tomorrow, my soccer/football skills have been challenged. I am going one on one with one of the male teachers from school who believes I don't know what I'm talking about (even after he quizzed me about the EPL and players) and don't know how to play soccer. He's in for a surprise, can't wait to show him, and just to put my boots back on, I've missed playing these last couple of weeks!

Things Just Got Real

I am becoming much more accustomed to my life over here. Sleep pattern is becoming some what normal, terminology is becoming much more understood, and a greater understanding of the geography.

A lot has happened in the past few days. This weekend I hung out with a friend I made back at working at Camp Danbee in 2009. Her boyfriend is my neighbour. We went to a small town called Hertford, wandered about and ate at a pub for lunch. The town was a nice, cute, old town with a "river." The river was our location point as we got lost many times in this curvy, circular designed place. The river was more like a creek. However, it was nice to get out of my house, and hang out with friends. It really gave me the feeling of being at home and officially settled in to my life here.

Monday and Tuesday were induction days at the school. Similarly to home, days full of professional development and goal setting for the upcoming year. This year is quite a big year for the school. A new headmaster and a new building to come (https://www.facebook.com/pages/Marriotts-School-New-Build/339088726127556) they are really on the push for success. Although in the midst of a transition year and things are a little chaotic it really is a great time to be a part of the school.

Tuesday was my birthday. It was very different than any in the past, especially the past 5 years. I spent the night making seating plans and lesson plans. However, this was one of my favourites, all because of a small gesture. My roommates, 5 males, who are hermits and stick to their rooms, whom I've barely spoken too because of the hermit factor in the last week bought me a card and all signed it. The card is pink and sparkly with princesses on it too. I never mentioned it was my birthday, it was something they gathered from the mail I had been receiving. This meant so much to me and has completely changed the dynamic of our house. They now leave their bedroom doors open too!

Today was the first day of school for students and my first day of school as a teacher - in my own classroom. It felt amazing.

With the lack of common room in my house, you spend a lot of time in your room which means a lot of time thinking. Too much time thinking. The past couple days I've been going through a lot of self doubt, a lot of questioning and a lot of oh my lanta. I've been wondering if this really is for me. I've planned my life out for as long as I can remember. The plan has taken some off roading courses, for the good or bad, but ultimately end up heading in the same direction. I know that traditional teaching is not for me, it's not what I to do for the rest of my life. My passion lies out on a dusty field, kicking a ball around, using sport as a tool for learning (like Right to Play). The day my visa got denied, I also got a prospective job opportunity from Right to Play - I began to wonder if my visa was a sign. After today though, with only a couple of hours with the students I know I am in the right place. I may not be involved with sport (for the time being, rumour is they're desperate coaching staff!), but I am using math or maths as its called here and science to better these students lives. These students all have stories, much like those stories my students in Africa and El Salvador had, these students too, need a role model. No doubt this year is going to be challenging teaching subjects I haven't touched since high school, but sometimes, it's not all about the specific subject matter, it's about the learning that takes place and the process of that learning. To be told in my first lesson as an official teacher "Miss Steward, you're the cool teacher" took all of the doubts and threw them out the window. I am in for an adventure.

Settling In

It's now my 5th day of being in England - 6th day since the adventure began. Monday/Tuesday were travel days. I arrived 6am UK time on Tuesday, just me in a big airport. This was my first experience by myself in a large airport, travelling on a large plane. (I don't think that 14 seater plane I took to camp counts). But, here I was ready to go.

My house is a cute little townhouse that reminds me much of my days in first year at Brock University living in Village. The road is a long road filled with mini complexes of houses, much like the courts. 6 of us live in my house - 5 males and me. I've met 4 of 5, but only consistently see 2 of the 4 I've met. This house is interesting in that there is no living room, or really a common area. There is a kitchen, with a kitchen table, but it appears not to get used. So if you're not out and about you're hanging out in your room. My room is beige everything with a wardrobe, dresser, bedside table, bed and soon to be a desk. The bedding provided was nice chocolate brown. However, after spending more time than I'd like to in my room, I realized I needed some colour. I now have a pink and teal stripped comforter and on the hunt for some decorations. Most people know that I love pillows. The pillows here - a brick would be more comfortable. At least it would have some height to it. The pillows here are about the same width as a piece of paper.

My house location is good, but not great. It's in a beautiful area surrounding by parks and green and footpaths, but because of all the parks and green, those footpaths are needed to get to everywhere. There is nothing close. Town is at least a 45 minute walk. Each day I try to take a different route or find  a short cut or get completely lost. But you better make sure you make a list and check it twice. Don't want to get home and realize you forgot to buy milk.

Town is one street filled with pubs, restaurants, pharmacies and grocery stores. At the end of the street is a Tesco and a mall. Tesco is the main supermarket and it is like Wal-Mart on drugs. Anything you need you will find there, but it is constantly insanely busy. There is one golden treasure in town - a milkshake shop. A shop completely designated to milkshakes of any flavour you could ever imagine. I have found my lemon drop replacement and already become a member. I kept it simple and had a Mars bar one, may have to try a fully loaded one next time!

My school is quite the building. Technically, it was supposed to be demolished this week, but the construction of the building fell behind and doesn't open until January. For the first semester we are in this building with holes in the ceilings, falling apart walls - a building that needs to be demolished. My classroom is a full computer lab with brand new computers (bought for the new building). Makes it an exciting opportunity to incorporate technology into lessons, but also makes it a challenge to teach. The gym of the school is incredible. Fully loaded fitness center, dance studio, nutrition counselling, full time personal trainers and a complete gymnastics arena (which were used a training facility during the Olympics). The staff that I met all appear to be quite young and rather new teachers. I think it should be an exciting place to work in! Monday and Tuesday are induction days and school begins on Wednesday!

Life here has so far been good. Been into London once for the day, and it was much like going to Toronto for the day, just seemed like a normal thing. The weather is crazy. One day is can be absolutely freezing and pouring rain and the next day you're sweating in shorts and t-shirt. My feet are blistered from walking at least 3 hours everyday. But absolutely loving it. Looking forward to next week and getting out and meeting more people.

I am now off to the Old Town for a day of photography, will post pictures soon!